tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23850497539895511662023-07-17T22:01:33.460-07:00Beauty of MommyhoodJoys of being a mother...a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-88883140558009488922009-06-22T18:10:00.000-07:002009-06-22T18:12:14.850-07:00How to Avoid Interenet Addiction in Your Child<div style="text-align: justify;">I can still remember the time when we parents were grateful and happy that we had Internet access finally, and that our children were about to become internet savvy!<br /><br />We had dreams of our children becoming knowledgeable about everything there was to know, and we also thought that this would be a new way of keeping our children busy and engaged for long periods of time, away from outside dangers.</div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Little did we realize that our children would discover the internet in ways that we had not thought of, and that soon enough, they would become seriously addicted to the internet and on going online and chatting with friends, playing multi user games, entering <em>pornographic sites</em> and so on.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Today, most of us parents find it greatly difficult to balance our <strong>children’s online activities</strong> and their homework and studies and other extra curricular activities.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">It is a fact that children and young adults can often become completely addicted to the internet and the wide possibilities that the internet would bring.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">These are some of the psychological symptoms of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_addiction_disorder" target="_blank">internet addiction</a>: euphoria at being online, an inability to stop the activity, lying to the family about chatting with strangers, and so on.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><h3 style="text-align: justify;">How does one go about avoiding such an addiction?</h3><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li>As a responsible parent, you must sit down and ask yourself: how is your child being affected by the internet. Does he suffer from psychological or physical symptoms? Are his studies getting adversely affected? Is he becoming uncommunicative at home? Are his relationships at home getting affected?</li><li>Do you think he may need counseling to help him get over his addiction? If so, don’t delay, act immediately. Experts state that internet addiction may be symptomatic of deeper lying psychological problems such as <a href="http://www.theparentszone.com/parenting-tips/how-can-you-boost-your-child-self-esteem/" target="_self">low self esteem</a> or depression.</li><li>Are you sure that you are not addicted to the internet yourself? Remember; you are the most important role model for your child, and you need to be free of addiction before you advise your child to do so.</li><li>Set limits on your <strong>child’s internet usage</strong> everyday, and make sure that you enforce them, no matter what. Children must know how to follow a given set of rules, and they will be more disciplined than their peers.</li><li>Make sure that the computer is kept in a public place.</li><li> Try to enroll and engage your child in outdoor activities, so that he starts to lose interest in sitting in one place staring at the computer screen.</li></ul><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">With patience and initiative, you will be able to cure your child of his internet addiction.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.theparentszone.com/parenting-skills/how-to-avoid-internet-addiction-in-your-child/<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-24829151843801458682009-06-21T22:56:00.000-07:002009-06-21T22:59:24.284-07:00Don't Make Me Count to Three<div style="text-align: justify;">Have you ever threatened your child with some dire consequence if you had to count to 3? You probably have, since most parents have.<br /><br />Believe it or not, when done properly, counting can be an effective tool in the discipline arsenal.</div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">But there are some things you must keep in mind.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">First, never count except in whole numbers. Either a child’s act or failure to act is worth a whole number step up, or it isn’t. Do not get in the <strong>habit of counting</strong> by halves or quarters or any other fraction.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Second, be consistent. If you have established a consequence for a behavior, you must use it. If you do not, your child will know that counting is just talk. As with every type of discipline, your child must know that you are serious.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Third, do you know that you can be flexible. If your <a href="http://www.theparentszone.com/behavior-problems/dealing-with-bad-attitudes-tips-to-tackle-child-behavior-problem/" target="_self">child behavior</a> or actions warrant it, you can go back to a previous number. Say, for example, you began counting because your child hadn’t cleaned his room.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">If your child does a really good job, you might go back to zero. You do not have to always start at one; certain infractions may be significant enough that you can begin the count at 2 or at a higher number depending on the level at which consequences ensue.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">You can start over each time you count, or if you have to count a second time during the day, you can pick up where you left off. Just make sure your child knows the rules, and you apply them consistently.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.theparentszone.com/child-development/discipline/dont-make-me-count-to-3/<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-41107626435042363882009-06-21T19:54:00.001-07:002009-06-21T19:55:31.403-07:00Focus on You<h3 style="text-align: justify;" class="FeatureTitle"><span style="font-size:85%;">By Julia Tolliver Maranan</span></h3><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">According to a National Women's Health Resource Center survey, more than 90 percent of the 681 respondents believed they faced moderate to high stress levels every day -- and fewer than half said they always felt capable of dealing with it. Left unresolved, chronic stress can lead to -- or worsen -- all kinds of health problems, including mood swings, sleep disturbances, PMS, inflammatory conditions (such as arthritis, dermatitis, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and even heart disease, diabetes, and cancer, says Pamela Peeke, M.D., M.P.H., stress expert and author of <em>Body for LIFE for Women</em> (Rodale).</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The culprit? Blame cortisol, that sneaky stress hormone that weakens your immune system and makes you more susceptible to health woes. Peeke's stress-busting suggestions, however, are the first step to maintaining your sanity:</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Adjust your attitude</strong> If you're caring for an ailing family member, are stuck in a dreadful job or feel overwhelmed by the demands of having young children, your situation won't change overnight. While you work toward adjusting what you can (look for a new job, hire help), your attitude is your best defense. "It's not stressful unless you perceive it as such," says Peeke. Use humor to look at your situation differently. Instead of obsessing about obstacles -- and there will <em>always</em> be obstacles -- try to see them as opportunities to care for yourself well during adversity and to grow stronger and wiser.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Adopt (or maintain) healthful habits</strong> When you're stressed, it's tempting to let self-care slide -- but that's when you need it most. A good night's sleep restores your body and gives you enough energy to face the next day, so turn off the TV earlier or play soothing music before bed to help you relax. Eat nutritious foods in small portions throughout the day to boost energy and nourish yourself. And while a 10-minute walk may help defuse a tense situation, regular exercise (especially outdoors) can quash the stress reaction before it even starts.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Take a break</strong> Relaxation exercises can have a profound -- and lasting -- effect on your mood. Peeke recommends setting aside 10 to 20 minutes each day to practice yoga, tai chi, meditation or another relaxation method, plus five-minute mini-sessions whenever you need a shot of tranquility. You can sit quietly and focus on your breath, repeat an uplifting saying or mantra to yourself, or even take a walking meditation and focus on the movement of your body.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Develop a Plan B (and a Plan C)</strong> And a Plan Z if necessary. Peeke calls this "becoming a master regrouper." When you develop Plan A, anticipate possible roadblocks and brainstorm ways around them. Can't go to the gym because your child is sick? Work out to an exercise video while he naps. Skip breakfast because you don't have time to fix something? Stock your pantry with healthful grab-and-go options, like dried fruit and nuts or a low-sugar energy bar.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Enlist your "estrogen squad"</strong> "It helps to surround yourself with a support system that ‘gets it,'" says Peeke. And while men can certainly cheer you on, in Peeke's experience, women are better able to offer the empathy and encouragement you need when you're ready to self-destruct. Mentally list a few women you're comfortable turning to for support and call on them as needed.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.yourbabytoday.com/babychatter/features/focus_on_you/index.html<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-88999891302718544862009-06-21T19:47:00.000-07:002009-06-21T19:52:14.960-07:00At Peace With Your Spouse<h3 style="text-align: justify;" class="FeatureTitle"><span style="font-size:85%;">By Julia Tolliver Marana</span></h3><br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div>Every couple has disagreements, but having kids presents new challenges. Couples therapist John W. Jacobs, M.D., author of <em>All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage</em><p style="text-align: justify;"> (HarperCollins) offers insight into the most common sources of conflict for new parents and explains the best way to resolve them and regain happiness in your marriage.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Time and Energy<br /></strong>Both you and your husband may feel like you're not getting enough help from each other when it comes to caring for your kids. Unmet expectations often lead to tremendous disappointment and resentment. To defuse this tension, talk openly about the division of labor and look for solutions that work for both of you. "You're solving a problem of limited resources. Sometimes, you have to make sacrifices you never wanted to make," says Jacobs. That may mean giving up some social activities or working fewer hours. Recognize the limits of what you can do comfortably and ask for help -- from each other or others -- with the rest.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Sex<br /></strong>Lack of sleep and energy can wreak havoc on your libido. Men often feel displaced, unimportant and desexualized by their wives' focus on the children. Talk it through openly and try to identify the underlying issues. Stress saps desire, so look for ways to lighten your loads. If your husband feels neglected, set aside time each day for the two of you, whether you play a game while the baby naps or set Junior in the bassinet and cook dinner together.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Money<br /></strong>Money issues can get particularly dicey if your financial situation changed when you had kids (e.g., going from two incomes to one). Add to that the pressure to save for the future, and you've got a potential landmine. Jacobs suggests re-evaluating your financial priorities. If stress in general is taking a toll on the happiness of your relationship, hiring help may be worth the expense, even when things are tight. "It's a mistake to jeopardize your marriage to worry about your retirement fund," says Jacobs. Get creative with your resources. For example, buy a less expensive TV and use the savings to hire a housekeeper.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Time for Each Other<br /></strong>Your relationship with your spouse is the glue that holds your family together, and sleeping in the same bed doesn't count as quality time. Jacobs suggests having a weekly date night out of the house and weekends together without your kids once or twice a year to nurture and celebrate what makes you special and strong as a couple.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Difficult Family Members<br /></strong>"Once you have children, family members who didn't pay a lot of attention to you before will want to move in with you. Or family members who said they'd be a lot of help are disappointing," says Jacobs. To prevent misunderstandings, you and your husband should discuss your expectations with family members before things get out of hand. But if you're already in a sticky situation, coordinate what you are going to say with your husband before talking to family so you can present a unified front. With communication, help and understanding, you can find as much happiness in your marriage as you do in raising your kids.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.yourbabytoday.com/babychatter/features/CY_happiness_in_marriage_with_kids/index.html<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-16804075408682290972009-06-18T22:43:00.000-07:002009-06-18T22:46:41.840-07:00Looking for Ways to Say Yes<div style="text-align: justify;">One of the best parenting tips was to look for ways to say yes to your child’s requests when you could.<br /><br /></div><p style="text-align: justify;">This is not advice to become indulgent, or grant every whim your child might have, but rather to develop an <em>attitude of discernment</em> and know when you really can say yes to what your child wants.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Think of that favorite <strong>childhood pastime</strong>: splashing in the bath. Every child wants to splash as wildly as possible, while every parent wants to keep the bathroom floor dry.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Is there a way in this situation that both parties’ needs can be met? Turns out there is. When I looked for a way to say yes, I realized that if I closed the shower curtain, and told my daughter her job was to keep the water in the tub, she could splash to her heart’s content, and my floor still stayed dry.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">With the goal of keeping the water in the tub instead of not splashing, she felt empowered rather than limited, and she worked hard to keep the water in the tub and protect her privilege of splashing.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">This particular solution of course only works with older children, and you still need to remain in the bathroom to make sure your child is safe. One positive side effect of looking for ways to say yes is that when you say no to a child’s request, they are less likely to complain as loudly or for as long.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">They’ll still complain—testing boundaries is one of their jobs as children after all—but if you have a <strong>habit of saying yes</strong>, they’ll know there is a sound reason when you say no. You then get to pick your battles and focus on the things that really matter.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.theparentszone.com/parenting-tips/looking-for-ways-to-say-yes/<br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> <!-- End Of Class Article --> </div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-58053466698631172652009-06-18T22:40:00.000-07:002009-06-18T22:43:30.125-07:00Tips on Selecting a Child Care Center<div style="text-align: justify;">At some point, children will be taken care of someone other than their parents.<strong> Choosing an appropriate child care center</strong> is one of the overwhelming choices you should make.As a parent, you should see the safety of your child at child care center.<strong>You have to find out whether</strong> the child care center is nurturing, fun and educational. You can place your child in an in-home or center-based care. But, before selecting the child care center, you should follow specific guidelines.Keep in mind and be sure that the child care center you are selecting will take care of your child same as he receives at home. Know your child’s needs, likes, dislikes, interests and behavior before determining the type of child care center.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Selecting the child care center:</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><ul style="text-align: justify;" type="disc"><li>The main step in selecting a child care center is, make a list of qualities that you are looking for in a caregiver. You should go the child care center and observe the center while children are there.</li><li>Talk to the parents of other children. Find out the child to caregiver ratio. If you find out there are too many children for one caregiver, your child will not receive the type of care you are expecting.</li><li>As day care workers are lowest paid workers, ask about the facilities turnover rate. Find out whether the facility and the caregivers are licensed through the state. Licensed facilities follow strict standards, so better to choose licensed child care center.</li><li>Find out about the experience and training of the staff. Some states do not require training and experience. Make sure that your child caregiver has good amount of experience and training.</li><li>Find out whether the staff has submitted both background and criminal checks. Find out whether staff knows first aid and CPR.</li><li>Many parents drop their children at child care center thinking that their children are receiving proper care. Care centers should allow you to observe the caregivers in action and make sure that rooms are clean.</li><li>You should also watch the caregivers whether they are looking the children properly and carefully.</li><li>Find out whether there are any physical punishments given to the children by the caregivers. If such type punishments are there, you have to decide to join your child or not.</li><li>Will the caregiver informs the parents if the child is not feeling well? Find out if your child behaves badly with another child or caregiver, what type of policy or punishment is given?</li><li>You should ask about how many hours child care center will work daily? Before finding about the caregiver, you have to see the timings of the center and your work schedule timings.</li><li>Check whether the child care center is near and conveniently located. Ask about the fee for the child care. A well established child care center will be expensive. This is not the area to save money.</li><li>You have to meet the child caregiver and decide whether the center is right for your child. Once you have decided, inform your decision to the child care center.</li></ul><div style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.theparentszone.com/parenting/qualities-to-look-for-before-selecting-a-child-care-center/<br /></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-14848957463200039082009-06-18T22:37:00.000-07:002009-06-18T22:39:53.095-07:00Tips to Manage Child Care<div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Being a working mother</strong>, you can feel difficult to manage all the things regarding the child and office in the right way.<br /><br /></div><p style="text-align: justify;">But, it is not an impossible thing if you follow certain tips and tricks required to manage both the tasks in the correct way.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><em>Tips and tricks that have to be followed if you are a working mother:</em></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><em><br /></em></strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li>Some emotional conflicts will be developed within you as a new mother while leaving your child and moving on to the office. So, in order to control those emotional conflicts, provide all the essential or necessary things required for your child in the absence of you. By this, you can relieve from some tension which is obtained due to the insecurity feeling of your child in the absence of you.</li><li>Try to select the best child care center which can provide all the facilities necessary for your child. The tension regarding the caring aspects of your child in the absence of you will be decreased if you keep him/her in the good child care center.</li><li>One more important aspect of child care is breast feeding. The total health of you and your child will be dependent on breast feeding. It is most essential for your child to be healthy and some problems will also be developed with you if you don’t give breast feeding for your child as a new mother.</li><li>Being a working mother, you will not be able to give proper breast feeding required for your child because you will be apart from your little one when you are in office and don’t know at which time he feels hungry and at which time he require breastfeeding. So, the one and only solution to solve this problem is breast feeding pumps. With the help of these breast feeding pumps, you can be able to pump the milk into the bottle and make your care taker feed it when ever your child feels hungry.</li><li>After coming to home, try to spend all of your remaining time with your little ones. Forget all the tensions of your office at the office itself and don’t make them to enter into your personal life.</li><li>As a working mother, create good bond between you and your child by playing and enjoying with him. Make him/her to feel happy and comfortable when they are with you.</li><li>Try to make them know the difference between the good and the bad and instruct them to stay away from the bad things which can harm them.</li><li>Don’t behave in the rude manner with your little one because with this the child will also develop the same rudeness and you will unable to control it if he crosses certain age limit.</li></ul><div style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.theparentszone.com/working-parents/are-you-a-working-mother-tips-to-manage-child-care-in-the-right-way/<br /></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-11440169235581092972009-06-17T22:39:00.000-07:002009-06-17T22:41:30.112-07:00How you can help baby develop motor skills faster<div style="text-align: justify;">Check out the following parenting advice on motor skills. Developing motor skills are an important part of the infant growth process. Some activities like jigsaw puzzles can help your baby increase her coordination.<br /><br />The development of hand-eye coordination often parallels and/or compliments the development of gross and fine motor skills. As your baby's motor skills grow and become more complex, so will your baby's overall interaction with her environment. The right parenting advice can help.<br /><br />Using walkers sometimes results in their upper leg muscles not developing as well as they should. This could delay the development of motor skills necessary for walking.<br /><br />Physical development can be broken up in to three-month intervals and divided into two categories: gross motor skills and fine motor skills. Gross motor skills are the term used to describe your baby's ability to control different parts of her own body.<br /><br />Fine motor skills refer to your baby's level of coordination of different body parts, such as picking up an object with her thumb and forefinger.<br /><br />Try to encourage your baby to develop walking motor skills by calling her to come to you or by placing a favorite toy just out of reach so that she crawls towards it.<br /><br />There are toys made of plastic with holes fitted to plastic pegs for the baby to differentiate shapes and develop hand/eye coordination.<br /><br />Remember, a baby who has mastered the motor skill of sitting up without help, for example, will have a completely different outlook than a baby who has not yet mastered this skill and needs assistance from objects to help them up.<br /><br />There are baby-styled puzzles available that have little handles on them for babies to grip. Although many parents believe that they need to get their babies expensive toys and walking aids to facilitate early development, this is completely untrue.<br /><br />Plastic building blocks allow babies to stack and build things that require balance and use a different set of hand/eye coordination skills and motor skills. This facilitates brain development. Big blocks are excellent for developing motor skills.<br /><br />Source From http://www.best-parenting-advice.info/parenting-advice.html<br /></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-87369736281027121402009-06-16T21:59:00.000-07:002009-06-16T22:06:01.369-07:00Parental Anger: How to Develop Coping Strategies<p style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size:100%;">Parental Anger: How to Develop Coping Strategies</span></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><em><br /></em></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><em>By Jill Oestreicher Gross</em></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><em></em><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">We've all been there: Our beloved child is in a monster-like state, aggravating us to no end by throwing tantrums, nagging us while we are on the phone, refusing to clean up, or coming home with falling grades. Our blood is boiling and our nerves are frayed - what's an angry parent to do?</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Anger is one of the most common human feelings, and it is natural to become angry at your children - but how you cope with that anger is integral to a good relationship. And it's not just our kids who can raise our ire - spouses, parents, in-laws and siblings can cause anger and elevate our stress level. No matter who the cause or target of your anger is, experts agree that shouting and attacking their character is hurtful and won't fix the problem.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Common Triggers</strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Many triggers can elicit a parent's anger, so it's important to identify the specific behaviors that you find most aggravating. Then you can begin to develop strategies for handling them. Heading the list for many parents is whining, not following directions, resistance to getting ready in the morning, stalling at bedtime, bickering with siblings, and insolence.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Coping with your feelings of anger without assaulting your child's personality is important. Giving yourself a cool-down period, expressing your feelings using "I" and not "you" statements and having compassion for your child can help everyone get through difficult moments, experts advise.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">According to the late Haim Ginott, Ed.D., a renowned educator, child-development expert and author of the landmark book <a href="http://parenthood.pgpartner.com/search_getprod.php/isbn=9780380008216/search=Between%20Parent%20and%20Child/st=product/sv=title" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">Between Parent and Child</a>, parents need to accept the fact that they will get angry with their children, that they are entitled to feel angry without guilt or shame, and that they are allowed to express their feelings.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Bridget Santella, a mother of three in Novato, Calif., describes the "out-of-control" feelings of anger she experienced following a downturn in her 14-year-old son's grades. These feelings and the household discord caused her to look for the underlying problem in the situation, she says.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">"I realized what was driving me nuts were my fears," she says of her reaction to Christian's grades. "Fears he would mess up so bad that he would not get in the classes he needs to graduate high school with AP courses under his <a itxtdid="6412710" target="_blank" href="http://www.parenthood.com/article-topics/parental_anger_how_to_develop_coping_strategies.html#" style="border-bottom: 0.2em dotted rgb(43, 101, 176) ! important; font-weight: normal ! important; font-size: 100% ! important; text-decoration: none ! important; padding-bottom: 0px ! important; color: rgb(43, 101, 176) ! important; background-color: transparent ! important; background-image: none; padding-top: 0pt; padding-right: 0pt; padding-left: 0pt;" classname="iAs" class="iAs"><nobr style="font-weight: normal; font-size: 100%;" id="itxt_nobr_8_0">belt<img style="border: 0pt none ; margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt; height: 10px; width: 10px; position: relative; top: 1px; left: 1px; float: none;" name="itxt-icon-0" src="http://images.intellitxt.com/ast/adTypes/mag-glass_10x10.gif" /></nobr></a>. Is that realistic? No. I saw that I was being driven by my fear and I sat down with him and admitted I was over the top."</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">As a result of their discussion, she says, Christian is taking his schoolwork more seriously, and her anger and nagging have died down.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Parenting styles are individual and what works for one family might not work for another. Leanne Cavallaro of Newburyport, Mass., was utterly stressed out by the antics of her two boys, Owen, 5, and Evan, 3, who had difficulty taking turns and sharing toys.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">"I went to a social worker to get some help because I was screaming at my kids," Cavallaro recalls. "I was angry at them and angry at myself."</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Her social worker provided an outlet for her to express her feelings and feel justified that her situation was, in fact, a stressful one. She recommended Cavallaro take breaks from the kids and continue her yoga class.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Certain misbehavior is age appropriate, explains clinical psychologist Thomas Phelan, Ph.D., author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1889140163/parenthoodcom-20/002-8615999-4647220" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">1-2-3 Magic</a> and <a href="http://parenthood.pgpartner.com/search_books2.php/book_id=11710387/search=Surviving%20Your%20Adolescents/st=product/sv=title" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">Surviving Your Adolescents</a>. For example, he points out, 3-month-olds wake up several times a night and cause parental sleep deprivation; 3-year-olds have temper tantrums and are dawdlers; and 13-year-olds talk endlessly on the phone and have messy rooms. While these behaviors can be annoying, he says, parents should expect a certain level of nonconformity from kids.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">For Cavallaro and her husband, Phelan's "1-2-3 Magic" technique was the cure to the constant discord at home. The method advocates behavior modification by warning your child before imposing a time-out.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">The counting, Cavallaro says, "stopped the anger and took over the discipline." Counting out loud, with a subsequent consequence if needed, gave her something to do other than just getting frustrated with her children's behavior. "That's when we started to get our lives back," she says.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>When It's Not Your Kids</strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Unfortunately, kids are not the only ones who can trigger a parent's anger. Relatives who judge, criticize and interfere with family rules can create tension.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Sally Wang, an Oakland, Calif., mom who asked that we not use her real name, explains that her anger stems from her relationship with her mother. Wang and her husband have a 2-year-old daughter, and Wang's mother is particularly critical about the toddler's weight and diet.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">"She constantly battles with me, wanting to prove that her way is the best way and my way is stupid," Wang says.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Wang often copes with her anger by leaving her mother's house early or hanging yup the phone if her mother persists in arguing. And, she admits, sometimes she cuts back on the time her mother spends with her daughter overall until things have cooled off.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">"Criticism is poison between generations," says Nancy Samalin, M.S., author of <a href="http://parenthood.pgpartner.com/search_books2.php?book_id=10116231&search=Love+and+Anger%3A+The+Parental+Dilemma" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">Love and Anger: The Parental Dilemma</a>. She advises parents to set limits in advance for grandparents and other caregivers who become too involved and to help them learn to respect the rules in a non-threatening way.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">For example, if a grandparent is giving a child too many cookies, the parent can explain that the pediatrician has advised against excessive sweets. Similarly, if a grandparent or other relative is doing the child's homework for them, explain that the teacher has asked for the child to do the work independently. Citing the preferences of authority figures can help non-parental caregivers feel less defensive, Samalin says.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Your spouse can also trigger anger, particularly if you each have different parenting styles. Parent educator Bonnie Harris, M.S., author of <a href="http://parenthood.pgpartner.com/search_getprod.php/isbn=9780446692854/search=When%20Your%20Kids%20Push%20Your%20Buttons/st=product/sv=title" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">When Your Kids Push Your Buttons</a>, suggests creating a "parental partnership" to help ease tension.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">This includes an agreement that the parent who initially handled a challenging situation will manage the problem through to the end without being undermined by the other parent. But, if one parent becomes enraged by their child's behavior, the other adult can step in and offer the angry parent some relief.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">By acknowledging parental anger and working to manage it, we can help our children understand that strong feelings can be expressed constructively and that their behavior really matters to us, notes psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D., author of <a href="http://parenthood.pgpartner.com/search_getprod.php/isbn=9780684838656/search=Raising%20an%20Emotionally%20Intelligent%20Child/st=product/sv=title" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child</a>. Parenting is a bumpy road, but the rewards of a healthy relationship are great for both you and your children.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>MORE:</strong> <a href="http://www.parenthood.com/article-topics/article-topics.php?Article_ID=10356" class="featuredlink">8 Weapons You can Use in the War on Anger</a></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Resources</strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1889140163/parenthoodcom-20/002-8615999-4647220" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12</a>, by Thomas Phelan, Ph.D., Parentmagic, 2003. Outlines a systematic approach to discipline using counting and time-outs applied in a straightforward and unemotional manner. Also the author's book Surviving Your Adolescents: How to Manage and Let Go of Your 13- to 18-Year-Olds.<br /></li><li><a href="http://parenthood.pgpartner.com/search_getprod.php/isbn=9780684838656/search=Raising%20an%20Emotionally%20Intelligent%20Child/st=product/sv=title" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">Between Parent and Child</a>, by Haim Ginott, Ed.D., Three Rivers Press, revised and updated 2003. The 1969 best-seller has been updated by the late author's wife, clinical psychologist Alice Ginott, Ph.D., and family relationship specialist H. Wallace Goddard, Ph.D., but is still offers the positive and supportive advice on communication and discipline techniques that made it a classic.<br /></li><li><a href="http://parenthood.pgpartner.com/search_books2.php?book_id=10116231&search=Love+and+Anger%3A+The+Parental+Dilemma" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">Love and Anger: The Parental Dilemma</a>, by Nancy Samalin, M.S., with Catherine Whitney, Penguin, 1992. Encourages acceptable expressions of anger to achieve guilt-free parenting.<br /></li><li><a href="http://parenthood.pgpartner.com/search_getprod.php/isbn=9780684838656/search=Raising%20an%20Emotionally%20Intelligent%20Child/st=product/sv=title" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child</a>, by John Gottman, Ph.D., with Joan Declaire, Simon & Schuster, 1998. A noted psychology professor offers exercises to assess your parenting style and tips on recognizing and dealing with emotions - yours and your child's.<br /></li><li><a href="http://parenthood.pgpartner.com/search_getprod.php/isbn=9780446692854/search=When%20Your%20Kids%20Push%20Your%20Buttons/st=product/sv=title" target="_blank" class="featuredlink">When Your Kids Push Your Buttons - And What You Can Do About It</a>, by Bonnie Harris, M.S.; Warner Books, 2003. A parent educator and counselor offers useful tips for handling anger in dealing with toddlers through teens, with emphasis on parent's understanding of his or her own ideas, perceptions and reactions.<span style="font-style: italic;"></span></li></ul><div style="text-align: left;"><em>Source from http://www.parenthood.com/article-topics/parental_anger_how_to_develop_coping_strategies.html<br /><br /></em></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-33032368965042622652009-06-16T21:47:00.000-07:002009-06-16T21:53:06.444-07:00Taking Care of Yourself After the Birth<h2 style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></h2><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The postpartum period begins after the delivery of the baby and ends when the mother's body has returned as closely as possible to its pre-pregnant state, usually lasting around 6 to 8 weeks.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">After the birth, you will experience many changes, both physical and emotional, while you learn how to adjust to being a new mother.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The postpartum period is not only the recovery but also the time to learn about your baby and how to function as a changed family unit. Contrary to popular belief, this period is not always spent cooing over your new baby and basking in the feelings of happy family life.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">For many women, this is a turbulent time. You need to adapt to waking up every few hours through the night and you may be dealing with the pain of an episiotomy, caesarean or traumatised nipples. There may be major alterations in the dynamics of your relationship with your partner or issues with the dynamics of extended family. There are also many hormone changes taking place while your body recovers from the pregnancy and adjusts to breastfeeding. It can be an emotionally draining time that has to be worked through on broken sleep.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Fortunately, there are many things you can do to make this time more enjoyable so that you and your partner can concentrate on the important process of getting to know and falling in love with your baby.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> <strong>Rest</strong></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li>In the first few weeks, try to let go of all of your responsibilities other than feeding the baby and looking after yourself</li><li>Sleep when the baby sleeps. This may be only a few minutes' rest several times a day, but these minutes can add up</li><li>Have your baby's bed near yours at night or sleep with your baby in your bed. This can be a wonderful way to minimise the sleep deprivation that can make it so much more difficult to cope with the demands of a newborn. Co-sleeping also has the added benefit of protection against SIDS if you follow a few basic rules. See safety guidelines for co-sleeping</li><li>Many new parents enjoy visits from friends and family, but you don't need to feel obligated to entertain. When the opportunity arises, feel free to excuse yourself for a nap. Most people will understand</li><li>Get outside for a few minutes each day. You can begin walking as soon as it feels comfortable for you</li></ul><div style="text-align: justify;"> <strong>A healthy diet</strong></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div>You need to maintain a healthy diet to promote healing and recovery, as well as to give you the stamina you require to care for your baby.<p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Many mothers may be so tired or busy that they forget to eat. It's not uncommon for a new Mum to realise it's 4pm and that she hasn't eaten anything all day. Try planning simple meals in advance. Maybe you would like to share your suggestions in the <a href="http://www.naturaltransition.com/members-forum/">Natural Transition forum</a>.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The weight gained in pregnancy helps build energy stores for your recovery and for breastfeeding. After delivery, it is important that you continue to follow a good diet that will maintain your energy and immune system so that you can be active and able to care for yourself and your family.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Although most mothers want to lose their pregnancy weight, extreme dieting and rapid weight loss can be hazardous to your health and will not give your baby the best breast milk you can make. It can take several months to lose the weight gained during pregnancy and some mothers find that they don't start losing weight until they finish breastfeeding. Safe weight loss can be achieved by following the dietary guidelines for fertility, pregnancy and breastfeeding, as well as by getting regular exercise.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Along with balanced meals, it's important to drink plenty of water, preferably filtered water. Many mothers find that they become very thirsty while breastfeeding; drinking the recommended 33ml per kg of body weight is still adequate while breastfeeding.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Help for new parents</strong></p><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">New as well as experienced parents soon realise that babies require a lot of work. Meeting the constant needs of a newborn involves time and energy and often takes parents away from other responsibilities in the home.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Although you may do well on your own, having someone else around to help with household chores usually makes the adjustment to a new baby easier. You can concentrate on the needs of your baby and the modified family dynamics rather than on the laundry or dirty dishes.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Helpers can be family, friends or a paid home care provider. A family member such as your mother, mother-in-law or sister may be able to come for a few days or longer. A doula can help with postpartum household needs, as can home care providers who offer a variety of services, from housekeeping to the care of other children. Check <a href="http://www.naturaltransition.com/natural-transition-directory/index.php">the Natural Transition Directory</a> to find a home care provider close to you.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Whomever you decide to have as helpers, it can be beneficial for all involved if you are clear on the things you expect them to do and the things you don't want them to do. Well thought-out communication can prevent hurt feelings or misunderstandings when emotions are fragile in the first few weeks. For example, the new grandmother may want to help by feeding the baby a bottle, while your priority is bonding with your baby and building up a milk supply that meets your new baby's needs. Often all that this situation requires is prior notice that you are committed to establishing a good milk supply and that the best way to do this is to keep your baby from using bottles. Maybe a quick explanation of how breastfeeding works will help others understand.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><em><br /></em></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><em>Here's a list of suggested jobs that you could have a helper do for your family</em></strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li>Cooking</li><li>Cleaning</li><li>Laundry</li><li>Grocery shopping</li><li>Playing with and caring for older children</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.parenthood.com/article-topics/M/motherhood</div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-30751795156095873832009-06-16T00:03:00.000-07:002009-06-16T00:03:00.572-07:00Five Steps to Great Parenting<p style="text-align: justify;">Being a great parent is something many people aspire to. The following are five tips for how you can be a great parent.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Tip one: Learn to listen.</strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /><strong></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Good parents listen to their children. Whether your child is five or fifteen, you need to listen to what they have to say. Sometimes your child is going to tell you boring, horrible stories, and other times they are going to tell you something insignificant. However, if you listen no matter what, they will know that you are going to listen to them when they have a real problem, and they will come to you.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Tip two: Set rules.</strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /><strong></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Good parents do not just let their kids do whatever they want, good parents have rules and boundaries that they set for their children to help them have some guidance on how to behave and how to grow up. Rules are important. You need rules for every aspect of your children's lives. </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Tip three: Be consistent.</strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /><strong></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Being a great parent involves being consistent. If the rules say that you are to ground your child if they come home from a date late, then you have to ground them. Consistency is key to good parenting, if you are not consistent, your children will not know what to think. They will not feel secure. They will not know what to expect. Knowing what they can expect is an important part of being a good parent.<br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Tip four: Play with your kids.</strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /><strong></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Good parents learn how to have fun with their children. Great parents have relationships with their kids. These relationships are best formed by having fun with your children. You can play while you work. You can play having fun. So, have a good time with your kids by playing games with them, by taking them fun places, by vacationing with them, etc. It is critical that you play with your children and have a fun time with them. The best parents know how to have fun and spend quality time with their kids. Parenting is not just about feeding your children, and clothing them. Parenting is also about helping your kids be happy and lead fulfilling lives.<br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>Tip five: Show your love.<br /></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /><strong></strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong><br /></strong></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Great parents show their kids that they love them all of the time. This is an unconditional love. Great parents never threaten to take away love as punishment, and they never give their children any reason to doubt that they love them.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.surfnetparents.com/five_steps_to_great_parenting-18119.html<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-75171067042539460352009-06-15T02:19:00.000-07:002009-06-15T02:23:02.894-07:00Five Tips For Great Parenting<p style="text-align: justify;">How can you be a great parent? The following are five ways to be a great parent:</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><u>1. Love your kids.</u></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><u><br /></u></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The first thing you have to do to be a great parent is love your children unconditionally. This means when your toddler dumps their juice on your computer and fries it you love them anyway, and when your teen backs your new car into the garage door, you love them anyway. Great parents let their children know how much they love them, and they never threaten to withdraw love, no matter what the circumstances.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><u>2. Get to know your kids.</u></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><u><br /></u></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">If you want to be a great parent you need to get to know your child. Learn their personality and what makes them who they are. Parenting is an individual task, what works for one child may not work for another, and the best way to figure it out is to know your children. Learn to interpret their moods, and get a feel for them in order to keep them happy, safe, and going in the right direction.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><u>3. Pick an approach.</u></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><u><br /></u></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Great parents have a parenting approach that works for them and their child. There are tons of approaches to take, and some work better than others, but the important thing is to stick with it. You can't be the laid back anything goes parent one day, and the strict rule setter the next. It will leave your children feeling insecure, and not know what to expect.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><u>4. Have boundaries.</u></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><u><br /></u></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Kids need rules and guidance. Setting boundaries tells your children you care enough to give them rules. Enforcing those rules shows your children you love them enough to do things you do not like in order to help them be better people. Boundaries are important, and great parents include their children in the setting of said boundaries.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><u><br /></u></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><u>5. Get involved.<br /></u></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Great parents do not take a hands off parenting approach, rather they get involved in every aspect of their child's life. Great parents know who their child's friends are. Great parents attend recitals, meets, games, etc. Great parents talk to their children after school. Great parents get on their children about grades and homework. Great parents do not let any aspect, no matter how uncomfortable it may be for them to slide.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.surfnetparents.com/five_tips_for_great_parenting-18118.html<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-62163635728600012622009-06-15T00:25:00.001-07:002009-06-19T00:17:16.294-07:00Helping Children with Shyness<h1 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Helping Children with Shyness</span></h1><div style="text-align: justify;"> <span class="subtitle">by Julianne Idleman</span><br /><span class="subtitle"></span><br /><span class="subtitle"></span> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Each child comes into the world with a different set of potential characteristics. As parents, our challenge is to find ways to work with, and celebrate, the people our children are. Some children are slow to warm to others. If your child acts shy, he needs you to lovingly accept and validate him, just the way he is, while at the same time warmly encouraging him, indicating that things are actually safer than he can tell.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Children benefit from information</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">First of all, talk with your child before going into situations where he tends to become anxious. If he's very young, you might not get many words back from him, but you could start off with something like this: “It's almost story time. Remember how many children were at the library last time? Remember how noisy and busy all those children can get sometimes? Today when we go to hear the story, we'll sit at the edge of the circle so you can have some space around you and I'm going to hold you right in my lap like this. If there are too many people for you, or too many sounds, you can tuck your head under my arm like a little bird or take my hands and cover up your ears.”</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">See what you can do to get your child engaged in the plan to handle this situation. You might take a pile of stuffed animals and set one up with a book and play "story time.” You be the small animal that comes into the setting and finds it frightening. See what your child thinks of to work out a solution for the small animal that is afraid of crowded spaces. If he begins to laugh, he’ll gain confidence in himself as you play this game over and over.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Children thrive on fun and connection</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Before going into a situation that you think your child may find frightening, try using our method of Special Time. Children clearly thrive on moments when we are just with them. Take ten or fifteen minutes before you get ready to go and shine your undivided attention onto your child, and do whatever it is that he enjoys doing with you at the moment. Play pillow fight. Drop lightweight balls down the stairs together. Allow some messy water play. Put your child in charge of the interaction and follow him, letting him be in control of the relationship for a time. Radiate enthusiasm for his ideas and desires. This will help to bolster his connection to you and help him store up a little extra confidence for the challenge ahead.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Fear releases in laughter</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Play that helps children overcome their fears starts by allowing a child Special Time—during which the grownup does whatever the child wants to do. During this time, look for opportunities to take the less powerful role. If your child is pretending to go to work, playfully cry and beg him not to go. If your child wants to play chase, try to catch him, but fail most of the time. If your child wants to pretend to go to the kid's gym, act playfully afraid and hide behind him. Your child's fears will release as he laughs while you play the less powerful role. The more you are able to the laughter going, the bolder your child will become.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Children are helped by your optimistic tone</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Before making the transition into a situation that has been troubling your child, talk him through what is about to happen with a warm, confident tone. Having a tone of optimism can help children feel close enough to their parent to flow better into the new setting. Then, when you get there, close and connected, you can make light overtures offering a gentle invitation to play with you or the other children. Allow a few minutes between overtures for your child to try using his own initiative to enter the group. Keep your tone warm and supportive.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Releasing feelings of fear</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">If your child is having trouble breaking out of isolated behavior with simple encouragement, you might need to help him in a more active way. Get close and make eye contact. Listen if he begins to cry. Don’t try to talk him out of his feelings of fear or upset. Listening and allowing a child who is frightened to cry hard is the opposite of what most parents do. It works beautifully, but needs a bit of explanation!</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Children become afraid when circumstances beyond their control, or circumstances they don't understand, rock their fragile sense of safety. These feelings can get "stuck" inside a developing mind and mask themselves as a temperamental tendency toward characteristics such as shyness. Luckily, you can help him let go of old fears. We can help children with their fears in the play we do with them and in how we handle the times when their fears overwhelm them.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">To safely release the fearful feelings, children may hang their fears or sense of isolation on a pretext that is ordinary and commonplace. This way, he can bring up the feelings without any chance of experiencing a real threat to his safety. Your child is ready to release old feelings of fear when he is acting deeply afraid of a harmless situation.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Fear releases as a child cries, trembles, and perspires</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">When your child's fears have seized him, he's ready to work through those fears. At this time it's your job to be as warm, accepting, and confident as you can. Don't try to change a safe situation. Your child has to feel his fears in order to shed them. Your confident presence will make all the difference for him.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Move ever so slowly toward the frightening situation and hold him close. If he is crying, struggling, trembling, and perspiring while in your arms, things are just right. He may feel terrible, but you are there to assist while he sheds that terror. Tell him, "I'm right here and I'm keeping you safe. I won't go away." Your child may protest, but if you remove the thing he’s frightened of, he won't be able to shed the old fear. Take a deep breath and know that working through the fears, while safe in your arms with you keeping watch, will help him move forward with a deeper connection to you and a clearer confidence in himself when it's done.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The library isn’t going to be the best place for this kind of work with your child, but you can surely find a situation in a park or at a party with friends (that you’ve forewarned) that is workable. The more tender and confident you are, the faster your child’s fears will melt.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Children can generally cry and struggle, tremble, and perspire for up to an hour before they are done with a chunk of fear. If you are in a situation that allows it, stay with your child until he realizes that he is safe in your arms and all is well. When he reaches that point he will relax. You'll be able to feel that the stress and anxiety have washed out of him. He may fall into a deeply peaceful sleep. His behavior can be expected to change markedly after such a session.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Here’s how one caregiver helped a shy and frightened child at her center one day.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The local firemen in their big red engine and their boots, hats, and jackets visited my day care center one day. One of the girls was terrified, and began to scream. I began to use Staylistening with her, because the other children were fascinated and were fine with my co-teacher.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">They listened to the firemen explain their truck, explored it, touched their gear, and had a great time for forty minutes while I held this child, who was screaming. I kept reassuring her that she was safe, and I looked into her eyes the whole time. I listened to her. And every few minutes, I took one step toward the firemen.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Finally, she stopped, wiped her eyes, and wanted to get down. She went directly to one of the firemen. He welcomed her, and she climbed into his arms and grinned. She was excited to be close. She touched his hat and stood on his lap. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was like going from night to day!</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Helping your children release their fears can be difficult work. It's surprisingly hard to let children laugh long, and to listen to the depth of their fear and grief. You'll find that things go better when you have a listener for yourself, so that you, too, have the chance to express what you think and notice what you feel as you work hard to help your child with shyness.</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">source from http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/000006/000638.htm<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-34243591568841082912009-06-15T00:21:00.000-07:002009-06-15T00:25:15.255-07:00Helping Children Play Well Together<h1><span style="font-size:85%;">Helping Children Play Well Together</span></h1><h1><span style="font-size:85%;">by Patty Wipfler</span></h1><br /><br /><p> </p><div align="left"><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">When you and your child join or set up a play group, or get together with other families, it helps to have the parents agree on policies for handling the inevitable issues:</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><ul style="text-align: justify;" type="square"><li>Separation</li><li>Aggressive behavior</li><li>Withdrawn behavior</li><li>Squabbles over possession</li></ul><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">If you have discussed and agreed on policies, then you and the other parents involved have the chance to support each other more fully when upsets arise. It's hard to make good decisions when feelings are high, and we parents tend to blame each other for our children's "off track" behavior. These agreements get the basic decisions made before the upsets come along. Here are some suggestions about policies on these issues, and the reasoning behind them.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Separation</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>Incidents like the parent leaving for a moment to answer the phone, taking a restroom break, or leaving for several hours.</i></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The parent should tell the child, from infancy onward, about any absence she takes, however short. The child needs to be told where the parent is going, and for how long. If the child feels sad, the parent can set the child up with another supportive adult while she's gone. That person listens to the child and reassures him until the parent returns.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">This policy gives children the information they need to understand their environment. Even infants need to be spoken to as if they understand the words we say: they do understand us much sooner than we realize. It also gives them respect while they take the time to process their feelings around separation. The listener gives the child warmth, closeness, and the safety to express deep feelings without adult disapproval or worry. The crying that children do at these times helps them express their love, and slowly but surely, it frees them from holding feelings of fear about the next separation.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Aggressive behavior</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>Incidents like a child pushing another child, biting, or giving unwanted hugs or kisses.</i></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Children don't really want to hurt each other or to miss each other's cues on how much closeness or roughness is wanted. They become insensitive when they are full of tension or fear. Moving in before they do damage, and preventing thoughtless actions, relieves them of the guilt of having hurt someone, and usually lets them feel and release the bad feelings that were causing them to be "off track." These hurt feelings need to be expressed before the child can relax. When a child has cried hard with a caring adult, and hasn't been shamed or blamed, he or she is much better able to notice other children, and to play thoughtfully.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">After the playgroup has met a time or two, all the parents will have noted the children who tend to act aggressively when they are scared. It needs to be clear which parents, if not all, will be "safety managers" for the children. Those parents need to pay close attention, preparing for the aggressive behavior to show itself, rather than blindly hoping it won't happen. They position themselves so that they can immediately, gently, and firmly stop a child's aggressive acts.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">When an aggressive act is stopped by the adult nearest the situation, that grownup should offer to connect with the offending child and make warm eye contact and physical contact. “I can't let you hurt Sally” can be said with an “I love you” tone of voice. If the child wants to go to his parent at this point, that's OK. The parent or other grownup should listen to the feelings the intervention has brought into the open. If the child’s parent isn’t there, the adult who stepped in can be a very helpful listener instead. A good, long cry or tantrum, with a supportive adult, does wonders for an aggressive child’s behavior, because it releases the tension that has caused the aggression.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Withdrawn behavior</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>Incidents like a child hovering at the edges of the group, or going off to "play" alone, unwilling to make contact with anyone.</i></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The adults involved can make brief overtures to the child, offering gentle invitation to connect with them or with other children. Allowing a child a few minutes between each overture gives the child time to try using his or her own initiative to enter the group.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Sometimes, children become so trapped by feelings that they can't make any use of the opportunity to play with others. An adult needs to help them. Nudge the child gently toward the children or the activity he’s afraid of, but just enough that he begins to cry. Then, listen. Listening until the child can make contact will help him or her over the hump of isolation. It also helps the child feel much closer to the adult who kindly listened. Use eye contact to convey your warmth. Your gentle reassurance that the child is welcome in play will help.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Squabbles over possession</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>Incidents like a child coming up and grabbing the toy another child is playing with. Also, whining about whose turn it is now.</i><!--/p--> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">It's best if the adults involved can intervene without urgency to solve the problem. Reassure both children that they can work this out.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Decide among the adults what the policy on turns will be, and go by that policy. Among infants and toddlers, I like to use the policy that a child can play as long as he wants with a toy, and I (or another adult) will listen to the feelings of the child who wants it. Lots of grief and urgency will be expressed. You can reassure the crying child by saying, “You'll get the special dolly when she's through. I'll make sure you do. I see how much you want it.”</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">There are several good things about the “I'll help you wait until he's through" policy. First, we adults don't have to take things away from children in order to enforce turns. The more children have things taken from them without being able to work through the feelings this causes, the more likely they are to grab things from each other.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The second constructive feature is that children have a chance to grieve fully for the things they want with gentle adult attention while they cry. This helps children work through their attachment to things as the salve for their bad feelings. It offers adult warmth in the place of the desired thing, which is an excellent trade. The child will cry until his or her grief has been expressed. Then his mind will be open to all the other possibilities for play. When children have this chance to want things openly and be listened to, they tend to be able to relate more fully to adults and friends, and to have a better perspective on the importance of connecting with people in play.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">If you enforce turns, a child won't express his deep feelings of need for the desired thing. When it's his turn, he'll still be full of tension about wanting the toy, and will be paying more attention to keeping others away than to enjoying it. The tension is actually the issue that the child needs help with. A good cry can clear the child's mind of fixation on that toy, and allow him to fully enjoy the toy and his playmates, when he finally gets it.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;">source from http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/000000/000041.htm </div></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-12703412907036379082009-06-14T20:41:00.000-07:002009-06-15T02:25:11.120-07:00Parenting - Eliminating the Stress<div id="body"><p><span class="art_title">Parenting - Eliminating the Stress</span><br /><span class="copyright">By <a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Sue_Doran">Sue Doran</a></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span class="copyright"><a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Sue_Doran"><br /></a></span></p><p>It seems that we do not have enough time in our lives doesn't it? Between family, work, social commitments and other demands on our time it can be extremely difficult to get everything done in a 24hr day. Nobody knows that better that a busy parent!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>One the the major stresses is trying not to neglecting the children and maintaining a busy schedule and meeting all obligations. Most parents would love the opportunity to stay at home with their children and not have to work but never get that option because they need the income.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Do you know parent who seem to manage it all? Housework, kids, carpooling, work, sports.....Some parents seem to have it down pat and never have a time management problem. Ever wonder how they do it? Well wonder no more</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>You'll be amazed at how much time you can save and how effective you can use you time you have with the methods and tips set out in the book. You will still be a good parent if not a become a better parent for meeting all the obligations.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Busy parents know how streamline their schedules and use their time as effectively as possible. Learning ways to be more effective will free you up to do the things that really matter to you like family. Then this give you the flexibility to re-arrange you schedule to give you the free time then you could imagine.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Last of all you do not have to do this on your own enlist your friends and family to help you. Improving your communication skills and making every moment count is the best way to manage a family and career without sacrificing family time or added income and diversions careers provides.</p><p><br /></p><p><a id="link_79" target="_new" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.parentingadviceproducts.com/"><br /></a></p></div><div id="sig" class="sig"><p>Article Source: <a id="link_81" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Sue_Doran">http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sue_Doran</a></p></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-55665059525718179972009-06-14T20:00:00.001-07:002009-06-14T21:35:40.074-07:00Encourage Your Child's Self-Esteem<div style="text-align: justify;" id="body"><div id="body"><p><span class="art_title">Encourage Your Child's Self-Esteem</span><br /><span class="copyright">By <a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Monika_B._Pis,_Ph.D.">Monika B. Pis, Ph.D.</a></span></p><p><span class="copyright"><a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Monika_B._Pis,_Ph.D."><br /></a></span></p><p><span class="copyright"><br /></span></p><p>Self-esteem is an integral part of your child's development, as well as the basis for healthy social skills.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Self-esteem is defined as a person's feeling of self-worth, or a person's view of his or her competency. Children with high self-esteem feel substantial worth, and believe themselves to be good and capable. On the other hand, children with low self-esteem think they are useless and that others do not care how they behave and perform.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>The role of healthy self-esteem cannot be stressed enough. How your child views his/her worth will play a role in how he/she performs in school, deals with mistakes and failures, motivates self, and interacts with peers.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>In adolescence, your child's self-esteem will influence his or her resistance to risky behaviors, such as alcohol consumption, cigarette smoking, drug use, and sex. While high self-esteem is associated with an overall sense of well-being during adolescence, low self-esteem is related to risk behaviors and negative developmental outcomes. For example, adolescents with low self-esteem are at high risk for attempting suicide. Studies have shown that adolescents with low self-esteem have elevated levels of suicidal ideation and negative expectations of the future.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>According to research at the Florida State University, parents who have boys with low self-esteem at age 11 were 1.6 times more likely to meet the criteria for drug dependence nine years later than other children. These findings are a wake up call to parents and other adults who interact with children.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Characteristics of children with HIGH self-esteem:</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>- Make friends easily</p><p>- Show enthusiasm for new activities</p><p>- Are cooperative and follow age-appropriate rules</p><p>- Control their behavior</p><p>- Play by themselves and with other children</p><p>- Like to be creative and have their own ideas</p><p>- Are happy</p><p>Characteristics of children with LOW self-esteem:</p><p>- Don't believe they can do things well</p><p>- Fear interactions with other children</p><p>- Don't share ideas</p><p>- Are sad</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Parents can help their children to build high self-esteem from a very early age. The simplest ways include: praising your child's efforts and successes however small, providing warmth and affection, being supportive, showing interest in your child's activities, using positive enforcement, and being patient when your child learns new skills.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Robert Brooks, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the Harvard Medical School, offers these strategies to parents to foster a healthy self-esteem:</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>1. Provide opportunities to make choices, decisions, and solve problems.<br /></p><p>A belief that one has some control of their environment leads to high self-esteem.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>2. Help develop responsibility and make a contribution.<br />Assuming responsibility that makes one feel capable and making a contribution boosts self-esteem.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>3. Offer encouragement and positive feedback.<br />Self-esteem is nurtured when adults communicate appreciation and encouragement to children.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>4. Help establish self-discipline.<br />Ability to reason and reflect on one's behavior and its impact on others helps in developing a high self-esteem.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>5. Teach to deal with mistakes and failure.<br />The fear of making mistakes and feeling embarrassed is a potent obstacle to challenges and taking appropriate risks, and thus achieving positive self-esteem.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p></div><div id="sig" class="sig"><p>Dr. Monika Pis is a pediatric nurse practitioner and the Editor-in- Chief for Plugged In Parents.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Please visit <a id="link_89" target="_new" href="http://www.pluggedinparents.com/">http://www.pluggedinparents.com</a></p><p><a id="link_89" target="_new" href="http://www.pluggedinparents.com/"><br /></a></p><p><a id="link_89" target="_new" href="http://www.pluggedinparents.com/"><br /></a></p><div style="text-align: left;"><p>Article Source: <a id="link_90" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Monika_B._Pis,_Ph.D.">http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Monika_B._Pis,_Ph.D.</a></p></div></div></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-43614119776125147962009-06-10T20:22:00.000-07:002009-06-14T23:31:24.164-07:00A Better Night Sleep For Your Child<div id="body"><p><span class="art_title">A Better Night Sleep For Your Child</span><br /><span class="copyright">By <a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jay_Marie_P">Jay Marie P</a></span></p><p><span class="copyright"><a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jay_Marie_P"><br /></a></span></p><p><span class="copyright"><a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jay_Marie_P"><br /></a></span></p><p>Does your child have trouble going to sleep? Does he or she have problems getting a good night rest? If so, here are some suggestions.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>1) Have your child go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time. (Unless they are sick.)</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>2) If your child needs a nightlight make sure it isn't too bright. Too much light in the room might lead your child to play or read instead of going to sleep. Also, if they are waking up too early, check to see if it's because of morning light shining in their room. To combat this, put up a shade on the window. Or put up a darker one. Shades are also good for the summertime when the sun sets late. Children tend not to like to go to bed when it's light outside. They want to be up. Does this sound familiar, "Why do I have to go to sleep? It's still light out?"</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>3) There shouldn't be any books, games or toys in your child's bed or else they might want to play with them instead of going to sleep. They can have one or two special snugglies (stuff animals or special blankets) to hug in bed. Their bed should not be covered in stuff animals.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>4) Have a routine before bed. Give your child a fifteen minute warning before they start their night time routine. You can call the routine BFJ which stands for Brush teeth, Floss, and put on Jammies (PJ's). You can say, "Sarah, I'm giving you your fifteen minute warning before you have to BFJ." Saying BFJ will quickly remind your child what they have to do.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>5) Discourage any rough housing a half an hour to an hour before bed. If your child is jumping around it will be harder to get them to calm down and go to sleep. Stimulating T.V. programs and video games should be avoided. Instead, play a quiet game with them. Or this can be the time in the evenings they take a calming bath or shower. This period is a time to wind down. After their BFJ routine you can let your child read in bed (for kindergartners who can't read they can look at picture books). Also, it would be super if as a parent you can read at least one book to your child, or part of a chapter book, before they go to sleep.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>6) If you have two children who sleep in the same room with different bedtimes make sure the child with the later bedtime is quiet when he or she enters the room. They should get their PJ's out of the room earlier so they don't disturb the other child. You can put a stack of PJ's and underwear for the older sibling in the linen closet by the bathroom. This way your child doesn't have to remember every night to get their PJ's out of their drawer before their younger sibling goes to bed.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>7) If two siblings share a room and one keeps the other awake by talking you can curb it by making a star chart for the one who's causing the disturbance. However, do not make the rewards on the star chart so great their siblings gets jealous and starts making noise too. You can create the star chart in a way that your child only gets computer time the next day if they don't disturb their sibling the night before. You also can create a star chart for a child who gets out of bed frequently for no reason. This will motivate them to stay in bed.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>8) Snoring. I heard of a problem where a father was waking his son up every night with his snoring. The parents had the room next door and had paper thin walls. They also kept their door open at night so they could hear if their son needed help. Additionally, your child could be waking himself up with his own or a sibling's snoring. Find out if snoring could be why your child is waking up at night and getting poor sleep. If you or your husband snore you can try a snoring program, or go see your doctor. The doctor might have you try those stripes that go over the nose to lessen snoring. If any of your children snore ask their pediatrician for advice.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>9) It's nice for a child to have a sip of water before going to sleep. But if they drink a glass or two before bed they could be up in the middle of the night going to the bathroom. This interruption of sleep could be why they are tired in the mornings. If this is the case with your child, limit liquid intake before bed. But make sure your child drinks enough liquids during the day. Sometimes a child is just too busy playing to think about getting a glass of water so offer them one.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Jay Marie has a B.A. in Sociology. She is a Former Nanny to children with parents in the Entertainment Industry. To learn more about ways to help your child with problems they might have and recommended programs visit <a id="link_101" target="_new" href="http://www.foundit-4u.com/Harmony-in-the-Home.htm">http://www.Foundit-4u.com/Harmony-in-the-Home.htm</a> Because you deserve <a id="link_102" target="_new" href="http://www.foundit-4u.com/Harmony-in-the-Home.htm">Harmony in the Home</a></p></div><div id="sig" class="sig"><p><br /></p><p><a id="link_102" target="_new" href="http://www.foundit-4u.com/Harmony-in-the-Home.htm"><br /></a></p><p>Article Source: <a id="link_103" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jay_Marie_P">http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jay_Marie_P</a></p></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-50663366383977997412009-06-06T00:45:00.000-07:002009-06-15T00:46:44.108-07:00Why Not Tickle My Child?<h1 style="text-align: justify;">Why Not Tickle My Child? </h1> <span class="subtitle">by Patty Wipfler<br /><br /><br /></span> <p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><div> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Tickling is one of those customary kinds of play that is handed down from generation to generation through our families. It is rarely questioned, but deserves to be thought about more carefully, as it's a form of play that can, despite good intentions, hurt a child. To put tickling in a broader framework, it's one of the ways to play that puts people in touch with each other. It also is a dependable way to get lots of laughter rolling. So tickling looks, on the surface, like a kind of play that children enjoy, and that is good for them. And indeed, some children ask their parents for tickling games. We are glad to be asked—it feels great to have an instant way to laugh and be playful together.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">But in my many years of listening to adults talk about the emotional challenges of their lives as children, tickling comes up again and again as an experience that has been hurtful. I've listened to a number of adults who can't relax when others are in close proximity to them. They can't sleep close to a trusted partner, for instance, or are internally on guard any time there's more than casual touching between them and someone they love.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">When asked what they are afraid of, their memories go straight to times when they were tickled as children, and couldn't get the tickler to stop.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>The foundations of healthy play</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">I don't think that most tickling in families is pursued to the level of abuse, but I do think that tickling can be replaced with healthier options. In healthy play, these ground rules are usually operating. These guidelines insure the fun. They make play an intelligence-building activity.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><ul style="text-align: justify;" type="square"><li>Each child is respected.</li><li>Each child has a way to succeed.</li><li>Each child's contributions are acknowledged.</li><li>Each child knows she is safe from criticism and belittlement.</li><li>Each child can say what she thinks and wants. Her ideas may not be workable, and limits may need to be set, but the thoughts are welcome as a worthy contribution.</li><li>No child is coerced into a powerless or subservient role in the guise of play.</li><li>An adult is present or nearby, to insure that the play stays safe and inclusive.</li><li>To promote laughter, the adults in the situation play the less powerful role, leaving the role of "the swift, the strong, the smart and the informed" to the children.</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Where tickling falls short</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">The main thing that makes tickling problematic is that children may not be able to say when they want it to stop.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Laughter is an automatic response to being touched by a tickler—it's not a response that the child can opt out of. This puts the tickler in charge of how much or how long the child laughs. Most of us remember unpleasant or frightening times when we wanted a tickler to stop, but were laughing so hard we couldn't say it, or worse, we said, “Stop!” or tried to escape, and the tickler continued.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">We adults don't read children's minds, but we often imagine that we can. So we usually think we're aware of what's too much tickling and when to stop. But it is possible to trap our children without knowing it.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>We want to play and be close</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Parents and children crave times together when there's lots of free-flowing laughter and playful contact. It's so good for us to play, so good for us to be in touch with each other. We parents become attached to tickling because it seems to be a handy shortcut to laughter. We long to know that our children are happy and love us, and tickling becomes our shortcut to this reassurance.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Rather than forcing laughter in this way, we can build our children's confidence if we will get down on the floor and invite them to be in playful physical contact with us. If we find ways to give them much of the power, our children will laugh and laugh. Games like "I have a hundred hugs for you!" or "Where's Jared? I know he's around here somewhere," or "Oh, no! I can't get this horsy rider off my back!" let children laugh and laugh as we try to catch them, or try to find them, or try to bounce them off our backs, and fail over and over. It requires more creativity than tickling, but allows us to tumble around, to burrow our heads in their tummies for a second here and there, and to manage a cuddle before they make another daring escape. We get our affection across without trapping our children. And we give them a chance to be inventive as they figure out a hundred ways to outsmart us.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>But my child asks to be tickled</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">When tickling has been one of the main options for being playfully close in a family, children will ask for it. Their need to be close and to feel your enjoyment beaming toward them is stronger than their fear of being trapped by tickling. So they want it. When his Mom began to play without tickling him, one four-year-old I know told her, “I didn't really like it very much, but it was the only way you would play with me!”</p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">One way to transition from tickling to tussling and playful contact that allows the child to be in charge is to pretend to tickle when tickling is requested. Wiggle your fingers close to your child's tummy or sides, and make your usual playful threats, but keep your hands an inch or two away from her body, letting her laugh and laugh without taking the chance of trapping her. If your child tickles you in return, you can playfully writhe and try to get away—she's making you the victim in a role-reversal that lets her offload any tension she may feel about tickling. It's not fair, but she gets to really tickle, and you don't!</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Other kinds of playful physical contact are great, if you offer your child the initiative</b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Our children do need us to be affectionate with them, and to be playfully persistent with our affection at times. It's one way to communicate that we're in love with them. Blowing raspberries on your child's tummy, nuzzling into her armpit, giving bucking bronco rides and nibbling fingers or toes are all affectionate moves that might bring a ticklish reaction. These kinds of play are fine as long as you let the play "breathe" after each affectionate move. You kiss your child's toes, and then let go and see what response he has. If he gets up and runs away, you can lumber after him on hands and knees, trying for a long time before you finally kiss a toe again, with lots of laughter in the chase. Or you bury your head in her tummy, then pull back and grin as she decides what she wants to do. If she laughs and lies there, waiting, you can try it again. Children love us to come close, to play games and to be playful. We just need to keep giving them chances to guide the play, so we don't become overbearing without knowing it.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Thoughtfulness about play with our children doesn't mean being extremely careful. It does mean putting in just a few guidelines that help us to balance the power between our children and ourselves while play proceeds. When we phase out tickling, we're able to phase in play that our children will invent, play that works better to expand their sense that we love and support them.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/000000/000023.htm<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-47733645087176024752009-06-05T20:26:00.000-07:002009-06-14T21:36:24.228-07:00Free Outdoor Fun For Kids<div id="body"><p><span class="art_title">Free Outdoor Fun For Kids</span><br /><span class="copyright">By <a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Beth_Ivory">Beth Ivory</a></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span class="copyright"><a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Beth_Ivory"><br /></a></span></p><p>Keeping the kids entertained can be hard work - and expensive. Here are 7 great outdoors ideas to help you spend quality time with your kids - from toddlers to pre-teens - for free. Enjoy!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><b>1. Go on a welly walk</b></p><p>Ages 2-10. Great for wet weather.</p><p>There are few things kids enjoy more than being allowed to jump in puddles and get wet. So ignore the weather, pull on your old clothes and boots and get outside and do some puddle-jumping.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><b>2. Take photos</b></p><p>Ages 5 and up. Great to inspire their creativity.</p><p>Go for a walk and let your kids loose with a digital camera.</p><p>Let them take snaps of anything they want while your out. If they're having trouble, maybe point out some good opportunities for them as you go.</p><p>You never know, you might unearth a real talent for it.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><b>3. Get on your bike</b></p><p>Ages 5 and up. Great for family bonding.</p><p>Not only is going for a family bike ride a lot of fun, it's also a great way for all of you to stay active.</p><p>Make sure everyone is wearing helmets and visible clothing and if at all possible, steer clear of big roads. Go for parks and woods as the main part of the ride.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><b>4. Wild in the country</b></p><p>Ages 2-12. Great for nature lovers.</p><p>Go looking for nature with a romp along some public footpaths or nearby woods.</p><p>Looking out for animals and insects is always fun for kids and if they spot free food in the form of berries, then it's often pretty exciting.</p><p>Many woods also have education centres which will teach your kids even more fun stuff about the trees and what lives in them. The Forestry Commission has more information with their Woodlands for Learning programme.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><b>5. Get some animal magic</b></p><p>Ages 2-10. Great if you don't have a pet but they want one!</p><p>As we spend more time in towns and cities, our kids spend less time in the country and close to nature.</p><p>There aren't many kids who don't enjoy petting and stroking animals and there are lots of city or school farms up and down the country that are free. Your kids can even sign up to become a volunteer if they love it.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><b>6. Make stencils and rubbings from nature</b></p><p>Ages 3-10. Great to get them thinking differently.</p><p>Take a piece of paper and a coloured pencil or crayon and go out into the garden, or on a walk in the park.</p><p>Find something that will make a nice pattern with a textured surface, tree bark, letters on grave stones, leaves, concrete paths, and get the kids to put their piece of paper over it and colour in with their pencil.</p><p>When you get home you can talk about the patterns they've made. You could even use the art work as wrapping paper or as presents for friends and family.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><b>7. Make mud pies and magic mixtures</b></p><p>Ages 3-7. Great if you want to leave them to it.</p><p>If there's a spot in your garden you don't mind the kids digging in, give them a bucket and some water and leave them to it! Children can spend hours pretending to be witches, cooks, mums...</p></div><div id="sig" class="sig"><p>Beth Ivory<br />Good to Know</p><p>Good to Know's <a id="link_93" target="_new" href="http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/family">family</a> section features lots of parenting advice.</p><p>From tips on conceiving a baby and how to enjoy the pregnancy, through what to do in those first few months, advice for controlling toddlers and coping with your <a id="link_94" target="_new" href="http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/family/primary">children</a> as they reach school age and puberty, we've got it all.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><div><p>Article Source: <a id="link_95" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Beth_Ivory">http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Beth_Ivory</a></p></div></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-62870444112501221002009-06-04T02:35:00.000-07:002009-06-15T02:39:00.256-07:00No-No’s for New Moms and Dads<div style="text-align: justify;">Becoming a new parent means getting ready to learn more than you ever thought you could. For many, getting a college education has nothing on the education your little one will give you. Along the way, as you face new parenting challenges and obstacles, you will inevitably be bombarded by conflicting opinions and advice from friends and families. It makes the best sense to check with your healthcare provider before trying any of that "age-old" wisdom out. This simple (not-all-inclusive, however) list of parenting tips and parental advice is here to help new moms and dads discover the joys of great parenting.<br /><br /></div><p style="text-align: justify;">For a baby who won't sleep, do not put it on its stomach! At one time mothers were counseled to do just that, so don't be surprised if your mother and grandmother both advise the tummy position. Instead, place the infant on its back to reduce the risk of SIDS. Make sure it has a firm surface to sleep on as well.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">No alcohol on the gums! Someone will always volunteer the old whiskey remedy to relieve sore gums due to teething. It's certainly true, the alcohol will numb the gums, but alcohol can be poisonous to infants, so leave the liquor cabinet alone. There are safe products on the market for teething, so check with your doctor or pharmacist.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Don't bounce that bouncing baby boy (or girl)! Because an infant's head is large in proportion to its body, bouncing and shaking a baby can lead to serious injury like cerebral hemorrhaging, blindness, mental retardation and even death. Watch your relatives like a hawk on this one. Men in particular like to show love by gentle roughhousing, but this is uniquely dangerous for infants.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">"Why don't you look for a used crib or car seat instead of paying all that money for a new gear?" No. No and no again. Babies are expensive and hopefully you knew that going into it. While second-hand is no problem for many types of baby gear, you should plan on new <a href="http://www.all-free-samples.com/l.php?i=2147">car seats</a> and <a href="http://www.all-free-samples.com/l.php?i=2148">cribs</a> (and that is according to expert wisdom). A used crib may sport stripped screws of bolts and a used infant seat may be faulty or even recalled. Your best bet for safety is to buy these new with the appropriate safety ratings.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">No peanuts for nursing mothers. Eating peanuts, peanut butter and shellfish should be avoided by nursing mothers as they may cause an infant to develop allergies. Nursing moms should also refrain from alcohol while nursing as well.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">When baby scratches itself with those little nails that grow overnight, do not place a bandage on the scratch. Babies love to put fingers and toes in their mouth and even a well placed bandaged as the potential to wind up in their little mouths and prove a choking hazard.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Honey is a no-no for children under one year. Some sources say no honey until after two years of age. Some honey contains spores that could be harmful to babies by causing botulism. These organisms, which are harmless to adults, can lead to problems like pneumonia and dehydration.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Do not use sunscreen on infants under six months old. It can irritate the skin and potentially get into and irritate baby's eyes and nose. Instead, protect infants from the sun with visors, bonnets and canopy tops.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">There are certainly many more "do nots" given many parenting situations. Your best bet is to rely on common sense and call your healthcare provider. Other family members and adults may be well meaning, but research is constantly changing the way we care for infants and small children. Your doctor and his staff should be familiar with these updates; generally family and friends are not.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.all-free-samples.com/useful/parenting-tips.php<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-31106366431510578992009-06-03T23:28:00.000-07:002009-06-14T23:32:03.490-07:00Guidelines for Easy Parenting Teenagers<span name="KonaFilter"><span><span name="KonaFilter"><span style="font-size:85%;"><b>Guidelines for Easy Parenting Teenagers</b><br />by<b> <a href="http://www.amazines.com/view_author.cfm?authorid=92874&Author=Jenna&20Brooklyn"><span style="font-size:85%;">JENNA BROOKLYN</span></a><br /><br /></b></span></span></span></span><span name="KonaFilter"><span><span style="font-size:85%;">You might have often heard parents screaming frustrations and sharing how they find it difficult to raise teenagers. While there is some shade of truth with this claim, there is always something left for you to make the task of parenting teenagers quite easier and if you will just dig into sensible parenting teenagers advice you will come to realize that being parents to these brood of youngsters can be enjoyable at times. All it takes is a unique strategy and little sense of humor and you are sure to go a long way that might end up rewarding yourself that you did a great job in raising your kids the right way.<br /><br /></span><p><span style="font-size:85%;"> If this were your first time in parenting teenagers, it would be crucial that you are armed with enough information so as to prevent encountering clashes of conflict that is common to occur in this kind of situation. The most essential key to your desire of easy parenting teenagers lies in the communication line that you have for your son/daughter. Thinking how you can achieve this? Listen. Yes, listening is one effective way in order to encourage your teenager to talk what is inside their heart and mind. Let them feel that you are a good listener and not a meticulous critic that is always out there to pinpoint their flaws and reprimand them on what is wrong and what is right.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">In line with this, you should be able to let them feel that you are not hiding anything from them. You have to build communication as well as trust. If your teenager trusts you, there is greater eventuality that they will be more honest with you. In the same way, you also have to be honest with them at all times. Let them be part of decision making related to family matters. Consulting them will provide them with sensible self-confidence and knowing that you trust them, they would surely value that. This would lead to them being more responsible and be careful with their decisions in order not to break the trust that you have given them.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">You have to set a good example. Remember that what your child sees in you would serve as the inspiration that will be stored in their piggy bank of memory. How would you think they would listen to someone who is not doing exactly what he is preaching? As the saying goes, you should always practice what you preach and that goes ideally as a sensible parenting teenagers advice.<br /></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">When parenting teenagers, you have to be careful with the words that are coming out of your mouth. Teenagers can be too sensitive; they are in the very vulnerable state of being influenced easily by outside forces. If you are too harsh with your words, chances are they would trust more outside elements that are usually just waiting for easy preys just like your teens.<br /></span></p><p><span name="KonaFilter"><span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span name="KonaFilter"><span><span style="font-size:85%;">It is also a must that you should spend quality time with your teenagers. Bonding with them helps to build open communication and trust, which are essential elements of a valuable parenting teenagers advice.<br /></span></span></span></p><p><br /></p></span></span><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span name="KonaFilter"><span><p><span name="KonaFilter"><span><span style="font-size:85%;">source from http://www.amazines.com/Family_and_Parenting/article_detail.cfm/919552?articleid=919552</span></span></span></p></span></span></div><br /></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-70197662797047313382009-06-01T20:20:00.000-07:002009-06-14T21:37:22.007-07:00Cultivating Good Parenting Skills - Fact Or Fantasy?<div id="body"><p><span class="art_title">Cultivating Good Parenting Skills - Fact Or Fantasy?</span><br /><span class="copyright">By <a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Gerard_Mohamed" onmouseover="javascript:toggle_visibility('extendbio')" onmouseout="javascript:toggle_visibility('extendbio')">Gerard Mohamed</a></span></p><p><span class="copyright"><a id="link_55" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Gerard_Mohamed" onmouseover="javascript:toggle_visibility('extendbio')" onmouseout="javascript:toggle_visibility('extendbio')"><br /></a></span></p><p><br /></p><p>Are you a parent who came across exceptionally well-behaved and motivated children, and then wondered why your own children do not have such qualities? Do you then start doubting your parenting skills and wonder what exactly it is that you could possibly have missed out on?</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Many experienced practitioners in the field of education contend that all parents are keen for their kids to grow up as bright,obedient, successful, honest and energetic. There are also a host of complementary studies that set about trying to discover what was going wrong with the methods that do not work, and why good parenting skills results in a satisfied and life-long relationships with their happy children.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>One of the first things that stood out very clearly was that 'Difficult children, are a result of un-informed and ill-equipped parents'. At the end of the day, it is parents who are primarily responsible for how their children ultimately turn out to be, and the role they are to play in society.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>It is almost a non-negotiable that parents need to themselves decide what proper and improper behavior is actually all about, and to clearly distinguish between right and wrong. Children emulate or copy the behavior patterns of grown-ups, and especially that of their parents. The issue of good parenting skills goes deeper than its face value as it also takes cognisance of conscious and subconscious signals that can be positively or negatively interpreted by the child.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Parental authoritarianism or being too lenient is not advised, but a well balanced and subtle mix of democracy and firmness is needed. Discipline is not to be seen as punishment, but rather as a boundary type of guideline, which cannot be overstepped at will. There is no doubt that parents who take a serious personal interest in their children on a day-to-day basis, are able to spot major behavior deviations early and take appropriate remedial measures.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>The demands of our modern living environment can also have an influence and parents who are too busy with their business, professional or social activities cannot hope to enjoy good rapport with their kids. They should be on their guard, particularly when the child is approaching their teens, as hormone changes are creating stress for the child's personality. Parents have to be on hand to act as mentors,counselors and companions, without being too over bearing.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Positive habits which must be cultivated includes listening attentively to the child, letting children enjoy privacy, having family meetings, reinforcing good behavior, and establishing an atmosphere of trust. Most important is also to give praise where it is due as this is about recognition and therefore act as a powerful motivating factor.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>For those parents that are fortunate enough to already have dream children, good for you. It does however not mean that you cannot learn any more, as becoming a person with great parenting skills is a lifelong learning process. For parents who want to fast-track their learning, there are a host of resources available, but be careful to choose the right ones.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p></div><div id="sig" class="sig"><p>Gerard Mohamed is a father of two teenage daughters, and passionate about great parental skills and motivated children. He maintains that 95% of the advice relating to good parenting is too theoretical and therefore useless. To get an immediate insight of the other 5% that is practically orientated, and will deliver positive results within a matter of seven days, please go to<br /></p><p><a id="link_93" target="_new" href="http://happykidsforlife.blogspot.com/"><br /></a></p><p><a id="link_93" target="_new" href="http://happykidsforlife.blogspot.com/">http://happykidsforlife.blogspot.com</a></p><p><a id="link_93" target="_new" href="http://happykidsforlife.blogspot.com/"><br /></a></p><p><a id="link_93" target="_new" href="http://happykidsforlife.blogspot.com/"><br /></a></p><div><p>Article Source: <a id="link_94" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Gerard_Mohamed">http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gerard_Mohamed</a></p></div></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-1369174958952422962009-06-01T01:07:00.000-07:002009-06-15T02:24:22.015-07:00All About Sharing<h1 style="text-align: justify;">"It's Mine!"<br /></h1><h1 style="text-align: justify;">All About Sharing</h1><div style="text-align: justify;"> <span class="subtitle">by Patty Wipfler<br /><br /><br /></span> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p> <p>When children want something, their feelings are often passionate. They can be gripped by a desire so strong that no other option will do. Every cell in their bodies is organized to communicate that having the blue shovel or the green balloon is the key to their happiness—a yellow shovel or a red balloon simply won't do. But as any parent who has tried to enforce sharing knows, taking turns at those moments is far easier said than done.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>In this article, we'll look at why every child has at least some difficulties sharing, and we'll suggest a policy that you can establish that will move your child toward being able to share more of the time.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>Children love to share</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p><p> </p><p>Children actually love to share. When they're babies, they like to give us things, and have us give those things back. When they're a bit older, they like to take a plate of cookies and offer one to each person in the room. When older still, they love the games that include everyone in the family. And when they are relaxed and feeling secure, children even love to see someone else enjoy their favorite things.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>To be able to share, a child needs to feel a strong sense of connection, he needs to feel loved and warmly accepted. When he feels close to others and emotionally safe, he's not so desperate for the blue shovel or the green balloon. He can wait for a turn. He has what he really needs; a sense of connection buoys him through little disappointments.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>What children really want and need</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>Sharing goes hand in glove with being relaxed and feeling loved. Children have a few vital needs, and when these needs are filled, they can relax. They feel secure enough to play flexibly and respond thoughtfully to the needs and wishes of others. We all know that children need good food, good sleep, fresh air, room to play safely, and access to at least one or two people who are committed to their well-being. Parents, warmth, food, and safety: these are the most basic needs.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>But in order to relax and thrive, children need a few more vital things. Blue shovels and green balloons aren't on this list. My list of what a child needs to thrive goes something like this:</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <ul type="square"><li>The daily opportunity to connect and be relaxed with someone who cares</li><li>Emotional warmth and welcome</li><li>Respect for his intelligence</li><li>Time for play</li><li>Lots of affection</li><li> Frequent opportunities to laugh together with others</li><li>Frequent opportunity to cry, in the shelter of someone's arms, when hurt feelings arise</li><li>Information about what is happening and why</li><li>Limits—enforced without violence—that promote safety and respect</li></ul><br /><p><b>Two main reasons sharing breaks down</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>When children aren’t able to share, it's usually for one of two reasons. Either they haven't been able to establish a sense of connection in the past few hours, or something has happened to remind them of hurtful times in the past, when they felt afraid or alone.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>When children don't feel connected, they can't share</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>Often, we parents don't notice how much time passes between moments when we can offer emotional warmth and connection. Life is full, and putting food on the table and a roof over one's head is increasingly difficult. We meet the external needs of our children; we dress them, give them food, and see that they bathe and brush their teeth.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>But the time parents have to create playful, relaxed connections with their children dwindles every year as workplace demands grow and communities struggle to provide safe and decent places for children. For dual-career couples with children under eighteen, the combined on-the-job hours have increased from an average of eighty-one a week in 1977 to ninety-one in 2002—according to the Work and Family Institute. And this does not take commuting hours into account.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>So it's no wonder that children have spells of "off track" behavior. They are bound to spin out of orbit, given the amount of other work we parents are expected to do.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>To a child, a sense of connection is like a tightrope walker's long pole: feeling close to someone keeps a child in balance, so he can do challenging things with grace and confidence. Without that sense of connection, his ability to function lasts only a few seconds. Unhitched from a close bond, he feels too tense to share, too unsure of his own safety to take turns.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>When a child becomes brittle, any little disappointment brings up lots of tears or tantrums about what he wants. The child aches to be brought close, but he focuses on needing a blue shovel or a green balloon to signal his parents that he needs help.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>How children signal that they need connection</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>Once in awhile, children can ask directly for the closeness that will help them. They run to Daddy and cling to his leg, or they beg to sit in Mommy's lap. But more often, children use signals that are less direct. A child will let a parent know he's running on empty by wanting only what someone else has, or by wanting all of something—all of the blocks, all of the crackers, or all of the long park bench. And sometimes, children will suddenly want something that is clearly off limits.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>If you are a parent with a child who tends to signal you in one of these ways, rest assured that there’s nothing wrong with your child. He’s communicating well. He’s saying, “I need your help!”</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>Why children cry so easily about the small things they want</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>Once a child feels he can't live another minute without a desired item, the feelings run high. He has lost his sense of closeness and the safety that brings. He feels hurt, or even frightened. He tries to "fix" the feeling of hurt that comes when connection breaks by filling that sense of need with a blue shovel or a green balloon. But of course, blue shovels and green balloons don't meet the core needs of a child. He may cling to the item he wants, but it doesn't do his aching heart any good. When a child gets what he wants, he may look OK on the outside, but he often remains brittle on the inside—easily upset and either defensive or unhappily passive when someone else's turn comes.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>Children cry easily at this point, because they need to. They often actually set up chances to cry about something they want, hoping their parents will know that they need to dissolve the hurt that comes from disconnection. Crying, tantrums, and laughter are the main ways children recover their sense that all's right with the world.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>When an adult can set a helpful limit, and offer warmth and caring while feelings are high, a child can regain his sense of perspective. When he's done, he knows once again that life is OK with the yellow shovel, or that he'll eventually get some time with the green balloon.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>It takes two to tangle</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>When two children want the same thing, and they're both feeling connected and relaxed, they share. They can figure out something fun to do while they wait for their turn. When they're toddlers, they don't even need to talk about the turns. One takes the toy, and the other thinks about it, and then moves on to some other activity that pleases him. When children are older, they can figure out how to share verbally, and are pleased with themselves as they do it.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>But when a child is tense, taking turns isn't his idea of a solution. He wants the blue shovel now! If a second child who wants the shovel is feeling connected, he can adjust his expectations and find something else to do for awhile. So problems with sharing arise primarily when both children are feeling rocky because they have lost their sense of connection.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>The limitations of adult-enforced solutions</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>When children can't share, we parents want to fix the problem quickly. But fixing it—saying whose turn it is, and timing the turns so they're equal, for instance—makes us enforcers rather than connectors. Our children's "need" for the blue shovel may be met, five minutes at a time, but his deeper need to feel close to someone still throbs. So he can't share without help, and he continues to need help, incident after incident.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>When adults insist on turns and a child's turn finally comes, that child may defend his hard-won item with all his energy, losing the joy of having it in the effort to defend his turn. Or he may gloat that he has it, upsetting the children around him.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>Perhaps another, more subtle difficulty with adult-enforced sharing is that while we're sorting out a dispute, it's easy to slip into feeling like our children are immature, because sharing is simple. But sharing isn't easy for grownups either. The reality of the human condition is that a parent might try to negotiate turns between the children one minute, and return to the kitchen to continue a longstanding disagreement with a partner over sharing the tasks of the household or who decides what the family will do on Sunday.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>I think the most compelling reason not to habitually enforce turns is that it focuses our attention on trying to make things "the same" for each child, rather than on connecting with each child. When children don't feel connected to you or to each other, their disputes will continue, and run your patience into the ground. They feel needy. No amount of enforcement can help them relax and work things out with tolerance and good will.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>It can be smart to set up and patrol turns when you're in a public place and tantrums will undo your own composure, when exhaustion prevents you from being able to listen to anyone's feelings, or when you're working with a large group of children, and paying attention to one will leave the others unsafe.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>A sharing approach that works</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>But on our good days, we adults can actually help children undo the tensions that make sharing an ongoing challenge. A policy that, over time, helps children relax enough to share well and often is this:</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b><i>I'll be with you while you wait.</i></b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><i><br /></i></b></p> <p>When your child wants something he can't have, and you come close and keep him company during his tears or his tantrum, you meet his core need to get rid of deep feelings. You connect. While he is in the throes of big feelings, he may feel angry with you for not "solving" the problem, but he'll feel quite loving toward you when he's finished shedding those feelings.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>Crying, trembling, and having tantrums are children's way of dissolving the power of an upset, so they can regain their ability to see that there are many options that would satisfy them. When we stay and love them until the storm is over, they have the strongest possible sense of security: “My Dad loves me no matter what.” “My Mommy loved me, even when I told her to go away!”</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>When parents or caregivers adopt this policy, sooner or later every child will have the chance to offload his feelings of need. Shana gets the dolly stroller for a long turn today while Anita cries about wanting it. Tomorrow, Anita gets the stroller while Jordan has a tantrum because he wants it. Shana had a good cry two days ago, so she's relaxed enough to want it, see that Anita has it on a third day and move on to play under the table instead. Each child gets your arm around them while they cry, and hears your reassuring words, “Anita will be through with it sometime. I'll stay with you while you wait.”</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>Set a goal of long-term fairness</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>With this policy, you don't have to spend your energy trying to make things the same for each child in the short run. A child who wants to ride the only tricycle in the yard may get a whole twenty minutes while her friend cries hard about wanting it. But the child who cries gets a caring adult's full attention, a far more significant prize than the tricycle. And the child who has the trike doesn't have to defend her toy—she can play without fear that something will be arbitrarily taken. She also has the opportunity to offer a turn out of real generosity, rather than being forced to "act nice" because an adult says she must.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>Sometimes, a child clings tightly to a toy or other desired item for days at a time, never letting others have a turn. In this case, you need to be proactive about the "I'll be with you while you wait" policy. You let the child know that tomorrow will be different: “Sam, tomorrow when Maggie comes to play, she's going to get to ride the trike first, and I'll help you wait.” You know that when Maggie gets there, Sam will make a bee-line for the trike! So, prepared to help Sam connect with you, you get there first, saying, “Sam, today Maggie gets the first turn. Let's move back a step so she can climb on." Sam then gets to have the cry and the personal attention he's been signaling for.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p><b>Outcomes you can expect over time</b></p><p><br /></p><p><b><br /></b></p> <p>This policy puts great trust in the good nature of children. It is based on the reliable, healing power of tantrums and of crying hard. When a caring adult listens well as a child cries long and hard about the turn he's not getting, several outcomes are often seen. It can happen that the other child comes and willingly offers a turn, having found empathy in her heart. It can also happen that a child cries long and hard, and then decides there's something else he wants to do. Usually, if his cry hasn't been cut short, he'll be relaxed and undaunted by not getting the item he wanted. Its importance fades as the feel of your love seeps in.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>Over time, children whose feelings are listened to become much better able to make friends, and navigate the intricacies of sharing. They become less defensive and less aggressive. They laugh more and fight less. This transformation happens gradually, but if you are listening to a child's feelings, you can depend on good results.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>An adult who will stay close, hold a reasonable limit, and listen to a child's feelings can fill the core needs of the child. You don't have to rummage through the garage for a second blue shovel or try to find a green balloon just like the one that Sally has. You simply need to listen while your child cries about what he wants but can't have, until he can tell he's OK and you love him.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>Here's how "I'll be with you while you wait" works:</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>I held a small parent/child playtime for parents of children who were under three. One little girl I'll call Anna was brought by her two parents, who also had her baby brother in their arms.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>During the Special Time portion of the playtime, Anna's father began paying full attention to her. She immediately began running around the play space loudly chanting, “Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby!” over and over again. It was easy to conclude that she was announcing the issue that was most on her mind.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>After Special Time, another girl, whom Anna had totally ignored, happened to be playing with a red ball. It was one of three balls that were identical, except for their colors. Anna went over and whined that she wanted the red ball. I told her gently that she could have it when the child was finished with it, and I pointed to the two other balls available. She took in my answer, and began to scream.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>Her father came over and held her while she curled into his arms, screamed at the top of her lungs, and cried. She went back and forth from kicking and screaming to sobbing and burrowing into him. I stayed close to support him. Together, we listened to her feelings, and now and then we told her she could have a ball, but not the one Ginger was playing with. She cried hard for about twenty minutes. Then, she looked out and saw that Ginger had finished with the red ball, and was playing with some cardboard blocks.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>Anna wiped her eyes, and, finally free of that load of feelings, went over and gently, thoughtfully entered into play with Ginger. The red ball was of no interest to either of them. They spent the next half-hour playing in very close proximity, sharing easily and laughing lots. Not once did Anna show possessiveness over sharing space or sharing toys. She had had her good cry, she had gotten her father's listening and attention, and her needs had been met. With her improved confidence, she made a friend.</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/000000/000047.htm<br /></p>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-17307904908327054982009-05-20T01:39:00.000-07:002009-06-15T01:46:35.310-07:00Childcare and Healthy Eating<div style="text-align: justify;"><span name="KonaFilter" style="font-size:100%;"><span><span name="KonaFilter"><b>Childcare and Healthy Eating</b> </span></span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span><span name="KonaFilter" style="font-size:100%;"><span><span name="KonaFilter">by<b> <a href="http://www.amazines.com/view_author.cfm?authorid=92934&Author=joever&20wenceslao">JOEVER WENCESLAO</a></b></span></span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br /><br /></span><span name="KonaFilter" style="font-size:100%;"><span>With your child in child care, there are many things you might be hoping he/she takes away from the experience. There are the lessons that will be carried throughout life, and healthy eating is one of them. Not only you want your children to learn about the importance of healthy eating, but also you want your children to practice eating healthy.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="font-size:100%;">Below are some suggestions that your child care provider to promote for healthy eating in your children.<br /></span><span name="KonaFilter" style="font-size:100%;"><span><p><br /></p><p>More than graham crackers<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Help build self-esteem and teach good eating habits by allowing children to plan, prepare and serve simple nutritional snacks. For example, create smiling faces using rice cakes and cheese. Introduce new foods in small portions to encourage children to taste their creations.<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Integrate learning activities<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Use seed catalogs and real vegetables. Children can conduct a taste-test on different raw vegetables and cooked vegetables. Then they can discuss the nutritional value of each vegetable. The children can also work together to make vegetable soup and create a labels for their own soup cans.<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Learn about different cultures<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Discuss at mealtimes how factors such climate help shape food habits. Choose the cultural heritage of one or more children as for the theme of a day’s meals and snacks.<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Foster Creativity</p><p><br /></p><p>Under adult supervision, young children can bake their own whole breads. Make fun of it by shaping the dough into different animal shapes.<br /></p></span></span><span name="KonaFilter" style="font-size:100%;"><span><p><br /></p><p>Visit a local farm or farmers market<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>this type of outing will put the children in touch with local surroundings and create awareness of how food is grown and sold in a supermarket. If your child is unable to take a field trip, maybe a local farmer could speak about the vegetables and fruits on his farm.<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Seeing is believing<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Trade some of the unhealthy plastic foods in toy kitchens with replicas of vegetables and fruits, wedges of cheese and bread loaves. Better yet, replace the unhealthy foods in your real refrigerator with plenty of fresh vegetables and fruits. Lessons about healthy foods will “STICK” more when eat healthy too!<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Parents, caregivers, teachers should work together to establish an understanding of how best to meet child’s nutritional needs. Teaching the children to eat moderately and wisely is an investment in the future and important. </p></span></span><span name="KonaFilter" style="font-size:100%;"><span><p><br /></p><p>Source from http://www.amazines.com/Family_and_Parenting/article_detail.cfm/919968?articleid=919968</p></span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2385049753989551166.post-23899711080407161772009-05-19T01:01:00.000-07:002009-06-15T01:05:37.550-07:00Children's Wants and Needs<h1 style="text-align: justify;">"I Want It <i>Now</i>!"</h1><h1 style="text-align: justify;">—Children's Wants and Needs</h1><div style="text-align: justify;"> <span class="subtitle">by Patty Wipfler<br /><br /><br /></span> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>It's a big part of parenting</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">A big part of our experience as parents has to do with developing ways to address the deeply felt wants and needs of our children. We deal with wants and needs from our babies' earliest moments through their entry into young adulthood. We have to figure out what our children's real needs are, and what to do when they want things they don't need, or can't have. And we have to deal with our own feelings of sadness, frustration, or anger about how much they need and want. We are dedicated to making life as good as possible for them, but sooner or later we find it hard to be generous when our own needs for rest, reassurance, and resource aren't well met.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Whole books are written about the developmental needs of young children, so this little article won't try to point out the difference between needs and wants at a particular age or stage. Suffice it to say here that children need <i>lots</i> of undivided, warm attention from their parents and others around them. They need to be treated with respect. They need play, lots of room to experiment, and lots of positive response to who they are and what interesting experiments they do. They need information about what's going on around them, from the very beginning: their minds work beautifully, and from birth they fully understand the emotional import of every interaction with us. They also understand far more language than we realize. Even when we meet their needs well, there are moments every single day when our children long for attention or for things we can't give them the moment they feel the need. When Mommy and Daddy can handle these moments of intense longing gently and with understanding, it makes a huge difference in a child's life.<br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Feelings of need can persist after the needy moment has passed</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Children acquire <i>feelings</i> of neediness—need for attention, need for food, need for physical closeness, need for reassurance that everything is all right—during moments when they are frightened or sad. These moments occur in every child's life, no matter how attentive the parents may be. An example of such a moment might be a baby who is feeling pain from teething, and is hungry. He takes the breast or bottle, only to find that it hurts, so our efforts to help him with his hunger can't rectify the entire situation. He nurses and cries, nurses and cries, and we feel sad or frustrated, wishing we had a magic answer. Even after he’s done with teething, his emotional memory may retain those feelings.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Sometimes children experience a big need that isn't filled—the need to feel safe and close and cherished in the days right after birth, for example. When a baby has to be medically treated or separated from his parents for other reasons, he has feelings of need and fear that aren't addressed by the not-so-personal care of the hospital staff. When baby finally gets back to his parents’ arms, his present needs are being met at last, but the feelings of need from that scary earlier time may linger and make him jumpy, restless, unable to sleep well, or given to long crying spells for no apparent reason. Sometimes a child acquires a collection of feelings from incidents we adults consider uneventful, such as Daddy going to work in the morning, or Mommy abruptly leaving him to answer the phone or help with the older children's homework. In any case, these big and little experiences of need leave packets of feelings that a child then carries along with him until he can heal from the hurt, large or small.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">"I need my Mommy" or "I want attention" or "I'm afraid to be more than an arm's length away from my Daddy" feelings can keep a child from exploring confidently, from making friends, and from noticing that he's safe with trusted relatives or caregivers. Sometimes such feelings hinder a child only under certain circumstances—when he's tired, or when lots of people are around, or when the parents are affectionate with each other. Sometimes such feelings operate most of the time, making it seem like the child is "shy" or "timid" or "selfish." The "feelings of need" signals can become so persistent that they govern the child's personality.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Children try to shed these leftover feelings</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Somewhere deep inside themselves, children know that these feelings need to be addressed. It is not yet commonly understood that children will instinctively set up situations in which it's impossible for you to meet their stated "needs." <b>They do this so that they can feel the need fully, show you how they hurt, cry or tantrum about it, and thus eliminate the hold the feeling has on them. </b>Then they can function more logically and boldly, and feel much better about themselves. This is why your toddler may throw down a toy from his high chair, whine to get it back, and when you give it back, look unhappy and throw it down again. He's trying to "work on" wanting! Children's instincts on how to set up a good cry, to unload the outdated feelings of want that don't really fit the present situation, are remarkable.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">For instance, one three-year-old girl I know was being weaned from her bottle, to which she was very attached. Her Mom knew that holding her and loving her well while she cried about wanting her bottle (she would refuse the cup of milk her mother offered) was a good way to help her daughter work through this attachment without feeling abandoned or neglected. Gradually, with several cries about desperately needing her bottle, she was spending more time playing without her bottle hanging from her mouth, and her general confidence was growing. One day, she gave her Mommy her bottle, and asked her to put it high up on a shelf across the room. Mystified, her Mom did what she asked, and returned to her daughter, who climbed into her mother's lap and began to cry heartily about wanting her bottle. She had set up her own time to cry about wanting her bottle!</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Often, children will squabble over who gets a desired toy, or who gets to sit on Daddy's lap, or who got the most ice cream in their bowl. These squabbles can expose deep feelings of need, all wrapped around issues that are not, in the big picture, vital to the child. If a child is trying to work through his feelings of need, you will notice that although you try to fix things to make them "fair" or "equal," your child can't relax and enjoy the improved situation. He becomes defensive, runs away with the toy or hoards it, or remains otherwise isolated or unhappy although the situation appears to be fixed. The <i>feelings</i> of need are still operating strongly, and they will continue to make your child unreasonable.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Your attention is a powerful balm</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">To address these feelings of need, a good long-range policy for squabbles is to move in and offer love and attention to the child whose turn it isn't, or who can't have what or who he wants. Move in and make gentle contact. Let him know that this time, he needs to wait, or that he simply can't have what he longs for right now. Stay, listen to his feelings, and keep letting him know that he will get a turn, or that some other day, he can sit in the chair next to Daddy, or have more ice cream. "I'll help you wait" is a good reassurance to give, or "Sally will be finished with it sometime. I don't know when. But I'll help you wait." We call this kind of listening “Staylistening.”</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">A child can use wanting a turn or wanting more of something as a valve to let out lots of stored, outdated longings that keep him from feeling fully pleased with you and with life. You can give warm eye contact and loving touch, knowing that you and your love are pouring into some needy places in his experience. His feelings will be strong, in fact, the sweeter you sound, the bigger his cry will become. The healing process is full-throated when it's going well!</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">When children are feeling needy, you are the balm that they need. Your attention is by far the most powerful remedy, and if they can cry or tantrum with your attention surrounding them, you can be sure that they are getting what they need most in the world. When you can't be there, and it's you they are longing for, any adult who can listen and love them while they cry will soon be seen as their very best friend and confidant. Listening and love are what we need when we're aching for someone or something. It's great to get the person or thing you want, but when that's not possible, it's great to have someone who opens their arms to you, listens, and lets crying do its healing work.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">With the "I'll help you wait, and listen to your feelings" policy, every child in the family (or in the play group or nursery school) will have a chance to be helped with their leftover feelings of wanting as time goes by. Every child will have the chance to dissolve outdated feelings of need that create defensiveness or aggression. Several good cries with a loving adult can help each child move toward playing flexibly and showing generosity to other children.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>It's not easy to listen to children's longings</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">When you begin allowing your child a good cry or tantrum, you'll have lots of feelings of your own to cope with, too. We parents tend to swing back and forth between feeling sad that our child doesn't have what he wants, and mad that we have to listen to such a fuss. We can also become deeply miffed by other children who, because feelings of wanting have infected their behavior, "hog" the toy our child wants for what seems like ages! Our feelings are important too. They lead us to emotional debris from situations we faced many times as children, usually without someone to hold us and reassure us that all would be well. We need chances to talk about our own experiences as parents, and our memories of childhood, to begin to heal the tensions that build up when our children, or other people's children, are feeling heartbroken.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Listening to longings is a much-needed skill</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;">Our world will become a very different place when we parents have spread the word about staying close and affectionate while our children cry and tantrum about the things they can’t immediately have. Children will have the chance to grow up with permission to unload bad feelings, and then to absorb our deeply satisfying attention. The empty and frightened spots inside them will have a chance to heal. We are citizens of a world full of people whose feelings of desperation need to be heard and healed, while justice is built. Offering love and listening to children while they wait for what they want is an important step in an excellent direction. And, fortunately, children with parents who set reasonable limits and then Staylisten to their feelings grow up to be thoughtful, responsible, and considerate adults.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Here's how it works</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Here's a story that illustrates how helping a child work on wanting (and not wanting) can help her dissolve feelings about the bigger difficulties of her life.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"> <blockquote>My daughter is three, and she's going to pre-school now. My husband and I have recently separated. Ella loves school. She talks about it enthusiastically when she's at home, and she likes being there, but has a very difficult time when I leave her there. She wraps herself around me, clings tightly, and won't let me get out the door. This has been going on for awhile.<br /><br /><br /><p>Yesterday, after we got home from school, she was feisty and cranky. I was fixing her a snack, and I could tell that bad feelings were close to the surface. The last straw for her was that the chair I had set out for her was in the "wrong" place. I knew that this was an opportunity to help her with how she felt, so I didn't fix it. She ran across the room, upset about the chair. I went over to sit next to her. She was trying to cry, but wasn't crying yet—it was a kind of "fake" crying. I sat with her, and told her as gently as I could, "That chair is just in the wrong place," trying to help her feel her upset fully. She said, "I don't need you!" and ran away from me. I moved to about four feet away from her again, and said, "I'm going to stay nearby, I don't want to leave you right now." She kept moving away from me, across the room or into another room, and I kept moving near her again. Each time she became more upset and getting closer to a real cry. Finally, as I moved in towards her she didn't run away. Instead she lay on the floor kicking and repeating, "I don't need you!" Then, I said, "I'm sorry I can't stay with you in the morning at school, but I just can't." She began to cry hard. I asked, "Does it make you mad?" She nodded no. I asked, "Does it make you sad?" She nodded no, then she nodded yes, and began to cry really hard. I told her again that I was sorry I couldn't stay with her in the mornings at school. She kept crying hard, and began to say, "I want Mommy! I want Mommy!" She was sobbing, and she came and curled into my arms and cried hard for awhile. It was lovely to hold her and help her with these feelings. At some point, she just stopped, as though we'd been having a conversation and the subject had changed. That was all.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p>The next morning, when it was time for me to leave her at school, she ran up to me, gave me a big hug and a kiss, and said, "Bye, Mommy!" and then ran off to play. What a change! I have to tell you that the morning after that, she was feeling things again, and clung to me—I think because our life has been unsettled at home, she isn't finished with this yet. But it was great to see what a good cry could do for her.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p> <p style="text-align: left;">—a mother in San Francisco, California</p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Source from http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/000000/000036.htm</p><blockquote></blockquote><p></p></blockquote></div>a motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05188886676788984960noreply@blogger.com0