Focus on You

By Julia Tolliver Maranan

According to a National Women's Health Resource Center survey, more than 90 percent of the 681 respondents believed they faced moderate to high stress levels every day -- and fewer than half said they always felt capable of dealing with it. Left unresolved, chronic stress can lead to -- or worsen -- all kinds of health problems, including mood swings, sleep disturbances, PMS, inflammatory conditions (such as arthritis, dermatitis, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and even heart disease, diabetes, and cancer, says Pamela Peeke, M.D., M.P.H., stress expert and author of Body for LIFE for Women (Rodale).

The culprit? Blame cortisol, that sneaky stress hormone that weakens your immune system and makes you more susceptible to health woes. Peeke's stress-busting suggestions, however, are the first step to maintaining your sanity:

Adjust your attitude If you're caring for an ailing family member, are stuck in a dreadful job or feel overwhelmed by the demands of having young children, your situation won't change overnight. While you work toward adjusting what you can (look for a new job, hire help), your attitude is your best defense. "It's not stressful unless you perceive it as such," says Peeke. Use humor to look at your situation differently. Instead of obsessing about obstacles -- and there will always be obstacles -- try to see them as opportunities to care for yourself well during adversity and to grow stronger and wiser.

Adopt (or maintain) healthful habits When you're stressed, it's tempting to let self-care slide -- but that's when you need it most. A good night's sleep restores your body and gives you enough energy to face the next day, so turn off the TV earlier or play soothing music before bed to help you relax. Eat nutritious foods in small portions throughout the day to boost energy and nourish yourself. And while a 10-minute walk may help defuse a tense situation, regular exercise (especially outdoors) can quash the stress reaction before it even starts.

Take a break Relaxation exercises can have a profound -- and lasting -- effect on your mood. Peeke recommends setting aside 10 to 20 minutes each day to practice yoga, tai chi, meditation or another relaxation method, plus five-minute mini-sessions whenever you need a shot of tranquility. You can sit quietly and focus on your breath, repeat an uplifting saying or mantra to yourself, or even take a walking meditation and focus on the movement of your body.

Develop a Plan B (and a Plan C) And a Plan Z if necessary. Peeke calls this "becoming a master regrouper." When you develop Plan A, anticipate possible roadblocks and brainstorm ways around them. Can't go to the gym because your child is sick? Work out to an exercise video while he naps. Skip breakfast because you don't have time to fix something? Stock your pantry with healthful grab-and-go options, like dried fruit and nuts or a low-sugar energy bar.

Enlist your "estrogen squad" "It helps to surround yourself with a support system that ‘gets it,'" says Peeke. And while men can certainly cheer you on, in Peeke's experience, women are better able to offer the empathy and encouragement you need when you're ready to self-destruct. Mentally list a few women you're comfortable turning to for support and call on them as needed.

Source from http://www.yourbabytoday.com/babychatter/features/focus_on_you/index.html

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At Peace With Your Spouse

By Julia Tolliver Marana

Every couple has disagreements, but having kids presents new challenges. Couples therapist John W. Jacobs, M.D., author of All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage

(HarperCollins) offers insight into the most common sources of conflict for new parents and explains the best way to resolve them and regain happiness in your marriage.

Time and Energy
Both you and your husband may feel like you're not getting enough help from each other when it comes to caring for your kids. Unmet expectations often lead to tremendous disappointment and resentment. To defuse this tension, talk openly about the division of labor and look for solutions that work for both of you. "You're solving a problem of limited resources. Sometimes, you have to make sacrifices you never wanted to make," says Jacobs. That may mean giving up some social activities or working fewer hours. Recognize the limits of what you can do comfortably and ask for help -- from each other or others -- with the rest.

Sex
Lack of sleep and energy can wreak havoc on your libido. Men often feel displaced, unimportant and desexualized by their wives' focus on the children. Talk it through openly and try to identify the underlying issues. Stress saps desire, so look for ways to lighten your loads. If your husband feels neglected, set aside time each day for the two of you, whether you play a game while the baby naps or set Junior in the bassinet and cook dinner together.

Money
Money issues can get particularly dicey if your financial situation changed when you had kids (e.g., going from two incomes to one). Add to that the pressure to save for the future, and you've got a potential landmine. Jacobs suggests re-evaluating your financial priorities. If stress in general is taking a toll on the happiness of your relationship, hiring help may be worth the expense, even when things are tight. "It's a mistake to jeopardize your marriage to worry about your retirement fund," says Jacobs. Get creative with your resources. For example, buy a less expensive TV and use the savings to hire a housekeeper.

Time for Each Other
Your relationship with your spouse is the glue that holds your family together, and sleeping in the same bed doesn't count as quality time. Jacobs suggests having a weekly date night out of the house and weekends together without your kids once or twice a year to nurture and celebrate what makes you special and strong as a couple.

Difficult Family Members
"Once you have children, family members who didn't pay a lot of attention to you before will want to move in with you. Or family members who said they'd be a lot of help are disappointing," says Jacobs. To prevent misunderstandings, you and your husband should discuss your expectations with family members before things get out of hand. But if you're already in a sticky situation, coordinate what you are going to say with your husband before talking to family so you can present a unified front. With communication, help and understanding, you can find as much happiness in your marriage as you do in raising your kids.

Source from http://www.yourbabytoday.com/babychatter/features/CY_happiness_in_marriage_with_kids/index.html

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